


Confessions

by LSPINGLES



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 09:28:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12362739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LSPINGLES/pseuds/LSPINGLES
Summary: Kirk suspects something happened to Spock while he was away from the Enterprise but he can't get him to talk.  Kirk knows that to earn his trust that he will have to make a painful confession of his own.





	Confessions

Spock placed his final items of clothing into his duffle bag and zipped it shut, while Jim looked on as he sipped his coffee.  

“Come sit with me, and have your tea before you go,” Jim urged.

Spock came over to sit at the small table in their cabin, inhaled the aroma of his spiced tea and took a sip. He had 10.6 minutes before they arrived in orbit around Argana II and he could beam to the surface.

“I am sure your research results on quasars will be of interest at the conference.   What else do you plan to do during your time away from the ship?” Jim asked, after taking another sip of his coffee.

Spock replied, “As you know, the conference is for three days.   I intend to avail myself of the opportunity to listen to the research results put forth by the other scientists. It is a rare opportunity for me to be able to discuss in person some of the findings.”

“Yeah I expected that, but do you have any plans after the conference before we rendezvous in five days?”

“Affirmative. The conference ends late afternoon and I am meeting T’Lema for dinner.”

“Is she with the Vulcan Science Academy?”

Spock inclined his head in affirmation and replied, “Affirmative. As you know, she and I have been collaborating on a paper on the properties of Zenite, a mineral found on Argana. It will be beneficial to discuss some of these matters in person. I find that she has a very inquisitive mind and has raised a number of matters which require further analysis.”

Jim nodded and commented, “That still sounds like work to me Spock. Anything else planned?”

Spock took another sip of his tea. “I have planned a hike into the Ptak Nature Reserve. I leave the morning after the conference. I plan to camp overnight in the reserve and will return to the Enterprise at 14 hundred hours.”

Jim smiled wistfully, wishing he could get in some hiking. “Will you be part of a group?”

“Negative. I have researched the hiking trails and welcome a bit of solitude.”

“Hmmm.   Are you sure that’s a good idea?   You know nothing about the area,” Jim said with a touch of concern coming through in his tone of voice.

Spock replied with a glimmer of a smile on his lips, “Jim, if I could survive the deserts of Vulcan as a child, I can certainly handle two days of hiking on marked trails in the Ptak Nature Reserve”.

“Point taken,” Jim conceded.

“Do you intend to go planet side during you stop at Merik IV?”

Jim smiled. “Indeed I do. I have booked myself for a night at the Shangri-la Resort. We haven’t been away from each other for more than a day since …,” Jim started to say then suddenly trailed off.

Spock merely nodded and completed the sentence. “Since you visited Risa with Dr. McCoy for four days.”

“Yes,” Kirk replied looking distinctly uncomfortable, “that was a while ago.   The first year we were bonded.” He then gulped down what remained of his coffee.

“Affirmative.   It has been two years, 14 days since your return from Risa,” Spock noted while looking intently at his mate.

Jim looked down at his empty coffee cup, which he was gripping tightly, to get away from Spock’s gaze. Then with a gentle wrap on the table, hopped up, and grabbed Spock’s bag and stated with forced cheer, “Well, if we don’t depart for the transporter room, you won’t be going anywhere.”

Spock nodded acquiescence. He followed Jim silently to the turbo lift and then to the transporter room without comment.   Lieutenant Steel was manning the transporter console when they arrived. Spock started towards the transporter pad, but Jim reached out gently and touched his elbow. Spock turned back to look down at Jim.

Jim smiled up at Spock and said simply, “Have a good trip.” He then gave Spock a quick, chaste kiss on the lips.

Spock proceeded to the transporter pad turned to Kirk and said, “I will rendezvous with you in five days.” He then turned to Lieutenant Steel and nodded to proceed. Once Spock dematerialized, Jim left the transporter room and headed to the bridge.

 

8 8 8

 

Jim exited the turbo lift and gave polite nods to the bridge crew who silently welcomed him. Ensign Chekov would be minding the science post in Spock’s absence on the Alpha crew. Ensign Singh was at navigation.

“Has Mr. Spock left for the conference, Captain?” Uhura asked.

“Yes, I have just seen him off,” Jim responded as he got seated in his chair. “Plot a course for Merik IV Mr. Singh.   We’ve got some new medical equipment to pick up for Dr. McCoy then we’ll be returning to Argana II to pick up Mr. Spock.”

 

8 8 8

 

When Spock arrived at the hotel to check into his suite it was early evening. His room had a scenic view of the city landscape with the Ptak Nature Reserve in the distance, a desk, bed and sonic shower. He quickly unpacked his belongings and pulled out his PADD to review the presentation he was to deliver the next day.   He studied the schedule and determined which sessions he would attend over the course of the three day conference. He then made his way to the Talos Lounge to have a light meal. The lounge had an impressively wide menu and he enjoyed Bajorian noodles with vegetables.

After dinner Spock returned directly to his room. He changed into his robe and positioned himself cross-legged in front of window and began to breathe deeply to enter a meditative state.   He used this period to try and catalogue and file the events of the day and to analyze any emotional response to events so that he might better handle them in the future.   He acknowledged to himself that he was anxious about being separated from Jim for five days. He also acknowledged that he had not discussed with Jim why he had erected shields since his Risa trip.   He mentally sighed as he understood he was simply avoiding a conversation that should be had. He filed these thoughts away to calm his mind.   Once he was at an appropriate equilibrium, he emerged from his meditative state, slipped off his robe, and slid naked under the covers in his bed.

8 8 8

After his shift, Jim returned to his and Spock’s quarters. He buzzed Bones and arranged to meet up at the mess hall for dinner at 19 hundred hours.   He finished a few administrative matters then left for dinner.

Bones was already in the mess hall when he arrived speaking with Ensign Chalmers, a new addition to the medical staff. He had already grabbed some dinner, so Kirk headed to the replicator and got himself a chicken salad and coffee. He headed over to the table that Bones had seated himself at.

“Lonely already? Spock’s not been gone a day and you’re already looking for dinner partners,” Bones joked as he dipped his spoon into his broccoli soup.  

Jim smiled and said, “I do miss him when he’s not here.” He tapped the side of his head and commented, “Luckily, I can sense him through the bond. It gives me peace of mind.”

“This will be your longest separation since the bonding ceremony. Don’t tell me you’re nervous about Spock’s wondering eye?” Bones snorted.

Jim looked up sharply. “No, I trust him completely,” he said more sharply than he meant to as he stabbed some chicken and lettuce onto his fork.

“Down boy,” Bones chuckled.   “It was a joke. We all know Spock’s eyes only wander in one direction. Over to his Captain’s Chair.”

“Sorry, Bones,” Jim said contritely.

Bones studied his friend a bit as he finished his soup and then took a casual bite of his turkey sandwich. He couldn’t think of any reason his comment might have set Jim off the way it did.   Eventually he gave up on analyzing his reaction. “So, if you are looking for something to do while your other half is out of town, you could join us tomorrow night for a poker game.   Scotty is hosting. I am sure will provide some liquid refreshments as well.”

“Thanks, I will,” Jim replied, finishing off what remained on his plate. “Any plans for the rest of this evening?”

Bones finished off the rest of his sandwich and then replied, “Well I do need to get back to the labs. I want to make sure we are organized when we arrive at Merik IV to pick up the new medical equipment. We are in the process of moving some current equipment around to clear a space for it. I need to make sure it is properly tested after it is moved. I also want us to be prepared to test the new equipment when it is put in place. If that goes smoothly, then I won’t hold up our shore leave. Dinner planet side without reconstituted food will be a treat. I am certainly looking forward to it.”

Jim rose from his chair. “Well, I won’t keep you then.” He gave his friend a quick wave as he departed, nodding at a few crewman who acknowledged his presence When he arrived at his room he poured himself some brandy, pulled “Fire from Heaven”[1] from the shelf and leaned back on his bed to read for a couple of hours of enjoyment.   He kept himself reasonably distracted until it was time to do his night-time routine and then he crawled into bed.

As he lay back, trying to fall to sleep, he recalled the conversation he had with Spock in the transporter room. His mind drifted back to Risa.   _Don’t think about it_ , he told himself. It doesn’t do any good.   He focused his mind on some staffing decisions he needed to make and eventually drifted off.   However, his subconscious refused to comply.

_“Dinner sure was great.   Hey, Jim come over to the bar and grab yourself a drink.   I can’t believe this is our last night.   At least the time off has let you unwind a bit,” Bones said as he grabbed his cocktail from the bartender._

_“I’ll have what he’s drinking.” A drink promptly was in his hand._

_“Have you talked to Spock about what occurred on Fardor? You know it’s hard on him when you put yourself in the line of fire. It’s the closest call you’ve had. You weren’t there to see the toll it took on him. After all you were unconscious recovering. He probably deserves shore leave more than us, for the stress you put him under with your heroics” Bones commented as he sucked the olive from his stir stick._

_“Not really. He’s been distant. Shutting me out. I haven’t pushed it. It’s a bit frustrating. He hasn’t even wanted to make love since the accident.” Jim sipped his drink._

_“Too much info buddy.” McCoy joked, but then in a more serious tone he added, “You need to give the guy a break.   It’s hard for him to deal with his emotions at the best of times and living with you is like a roller coaster. I think he needs to talk to you. Don’t let him push you away. He needs you. I think it is up to you to draw him out.” Then McCoy smiled slyly and changed topics saying, “By the way, hope you don’t mind, I arranged to meet Lydia after her shift ends for a drink and late show. You’re welcome to join us.”_

_Jim shook his head. “Thanks but no.   I don’t want to spoil your evening.   Three’s a crowd. I’ll just finish this drink and head up to my room. I’ll see in the lobby at 0 eight hundred hours.”_

_“Okay Jim.   Have a good night.   See ya tomorrow,” Bones replied as he downed what was left of his drink._

_Jim continued to sip his drink and surveyed who had arrived at the bar.   The joint was starting to come to life. He ordered another drink as the prospect of being alone in his room on his last night of shore leave was depressing. There were numerous different species in the bar, other than humans, including Betazoids, Tellarites, Ferengi, Orions, Andorians and Vulcans. Generally, the species were mingling among their own kind, but there was some minimal intermingling of species. He watched the Vulcans for a while, as one male in particular reminded him of Spock although a little stockier of build, until he sensed someone with his periphery vision. He turned his head to his right and was met with a smile from a woman._

_“Hi, thought I would join you at the bar if you don’t mind,” she said._

_“Not at all.   I could use the company. Jim Kirk,” he said as he extended his hand and gave her a charming smile._

_“Felicia Radnick.”   She wore a cropped blue halter top, jeans and brown leather sandals. She was slight of build and had shoulder length blond hair, which framed an oval shaped face, with a light application of make-up._

_“What would you like to drink?”_

_“What you’re having would be fine.”_

_He ordered up two more drinks for each of them to enjoy. Felicia indicated she was currently booked on Risa as a singer.   They traded stories about adventures on many of the planets each had visited and enjoyed another cocktail.   As patrons, starting to leave, Jim knew he did not want to return to his empty room._

_“The night is still young. Why don’t you come up to my room?”_

_“I’d love to.”_

_Once they entered the room, they lost no time in shedding their clothing leaving a trail of shorts, tops and undergarments as they made their way to the bedroom. Jim barely took a moment to admire her pert small breasts, small waist and golden mound before pulling her down on top of him. His cock was fully erect and leaking pre-cum. Felicia tumbled forward and they joined in a hungry kiss. Jim rolled her over so that he was on top as she eagerly parted her legs and grabbed his cock to slide it home. The sex was frantic. Jim climaxed quickly.   It was only then that Jim seemed to be really aware of what he had just done._

_“I’m sorry,” Kirk said as he looked into the eyes of Felicia, “I’m not usually so inconsiderate and rushed.”_

_“It’s okay. I wanted you. We have the whole night and can take our time next time,” she said as she reached up to touch his tousled hair._

_He leaned over her again to give Felicia, a gentle, slower kiss.   Her lips parted to receive his tongue as she arched her back and pushed her breasts up to rub against his chest._

_“Excuse me.” Jim rose from the bed suddenly and went to the bathroom.   He looked in the mirror.   What have I done he thought. He gave himself a moment, then returned to sit on the edge of the bed facing Felicia._

_“I should not have brought you here. My heart and soul belongs to another. I’m not sure if I’ve already ruined something precious. But, I need to stop this now.”_

_Felicia started to sit up, as though to get dressed to leave.   “I guess I’ll get going” she said quietly._

_“No. You’re welcome to stay the night. I don’t want to throw you out.   This is not your fault. It’s mine. I’ll sleep on the couch,” he said with a pained look on his face. “I need to take a shower.”_

_Jim reached down and grabbed a pillow, walked to the other room and tossed the pillow on the couch._

_He returned to the room to access the bathroom without glancing at Felicia.   He turned the water on, as hot as he thought he could stand it, and got in.   He hung his head, stretched out his arms so that his hands were pressed against the wall directly below the showerhead, and let the water pound on the top of his head as the steam rose around him.   Nothing will make me clean, he thought. How can I return to the Enterprise later today and look Spock in the eye. He began to scrub himself raw trying to remove any scent of what had just happened in the other room.   What was I thinking? Why did I reach out to a stranger to feel alive instead of Spock? Anguish poured off of him.   Then suddenly, he realized that Spock might pick up his feelings through the bond, and he shielded as Spock had been teaching him._

_He toweled himself dry then wrapped a towel around himself.   Felicia was sleeping (or pretending to sleep), he didn’t bother to figure out which as he entered the bedroom, where he grabbed some underwear, loose fitting track pants and a t-shirt to sleep in for the night. When he reached the couch, he plumped the pillow and lay down on his side. He didn’t really expect to fall asleep as his mind was a whirl of thoughts. Should I confess? Spock might understand. How could he understand, when I don’t understand it myself? Should I stay silent? If I don’t tell, he won’t know and he won’t be hurt. It won’t matter if I never allow this to happen again.   What if I stay silent and he reads it in my mind during a meld? Spock wouldn’t do that. If I shield this thing from him, he simply won’t know.   He won’t forcibly invade my private thoughts._

_When he awoke in the morning from the call from the front desk informing him a friend was waiting, Felicia was gone. He quickly got dressed into his Captain’s uniform, threw his belongings in his bag, and went downstairs to the lobby._

_“Everything okay Jim.   I can’t recall you ever being late for anything,” Bones asked in a concerned voice as he took a look at his friend. “I thought we could have breakfast here in the hotel before the Enterprise arrives.”_

_Jim considered trying to have a full breakfast to keep Bones off his back, but thought he would never be able to keep it down. “I have a bit of a hangover from last night, perhaps it is best if I stick to coffee, but I don’t mind watching you eat.”_

_They went to the restaurant and grabbed a table. Bones quickly ordered some bacon and eggs. Jim stuck with coffee.   Bones studied his friend intently before inquiring. “Care to tell me what happened after I left the bar last night? I thought you had said you were headed up after you finished your drink.”_

_“That is what I said.” Jim’s shoulders slumped and he was barely able to look above the rim of his coffee mug at Bones. He thought if he gripped the mug any tighter it might shatter._

_After finishing breakfast in virtual silence, they made their way back to the lobby to await the Enterprise. Jim paced the lobby liked a caged tiger. When Uhura contacted them to arrange beam up, it appeared to Bones, that Jim had just been given the time of his execution.   Jim looked deathly pale as they stood on the transporter pad as they dematerialized._

_As usual, Spock was waiting for them when they arrived. “Welcome home Captain, Dr. McCoy,” he said. Jim nodded, then ducted his head. It seemed Spock was looking at him with unusual intensity or was he just imagining it. He felt naked and exposed._

_8 8 8_

Spock delivered his presentation on quasars in the morning.   Afterwards during the first break as he was preparing some tea he was approached by professors Lucas Shriver and Adam Greenberg to join them for lunch.   He agreed and had an engaging meal discussing his research results further and understanding some of the work they had done on quasars as well.   Spock found the afternoon session also quite informative, but was ready to stretch his legs as the session came to an end.   After taking a moment to refresh himself in his room and to change into a casual black turtleneck sweater Spock headed out into the city.   He had earlier identified a restaurant on his PADD that he wished to eat at that was also close to a shopping district. He wished to pick up a small gift for Jim.

The Blue Oyster restaurant, which featured seafood and vegetarian fare, was located about a 30 minute walk from the hotel.   The weather was somewhat reminiscent of San Francisco to Spock as there was a bit of a cool damp breeze, but his attire had been appropriately selected to accommodate the temperature.   The city was located on the coast line so the moderating impact of the ocean could be felt.   During this part of the year, there was 16 hours of sunlight in each of the 26 hour days. Spock obtained a table on the patio overlooking the water.   As he sipped his water, he noted that he could make out in the distance sailing boats and thought that if Jim were here he would certainly want to spend a day out on the water.   The waiter soon delivered his fragrant dish of golden vegetable curry over Aldabarian rice. Musicians performed on the patio a selection of tunes from various cultures making the time pass enjoyably.   When the musicians paused for a break, Spock determined it was time to pay his bill and get on with the business of gift shopping.

Spock did not have a firm idea of what he would purchase.   There were numerous boutiques with a variety of objects for sale.   He often acquired for Jim an antique book, but the selections available in the shops he visited were not what he thought might appeal to Jim’s taste. He thought it might make sense to purchase something that reflected the local culture.   His research had revealed that Arganian’s were noted primarily for three items: a food stuff made from the crushed remains of ocean coral that was said to be an aphrodisiac, red crystal and hunting adventures to capture and release the Squalish Hawk.   Spock determined that his partner did not have need of an aphrodisiac and while he might enjoy the hunting adventure it was not a practical gift, so he thought that the acquisition of some red crystal might be a logical approach.   He perused a number of boutiques that carried bowls, lighting and sculptures carved in the red crystal, but nothing seemed appropriate for Jim.   He approached another small shop that had a number of specialized liquors in the window. He thought perhaps he would need to settle instead on some Saurian Brandy or Klingon Ale.   He entered the shop and a small chime announced his entrance. He looked at the various liquors for sale when he spotted some red crystal glasses in locked cases near the back. The owner, who was native to the planet, greeted Spock. Generally, Arganian’s were humanoid in appearance but shorter and squatter. He came up to around Spock’s shoulder and had a round head covered with bluish curly hair. His eyes were lime green.    

“Good evening. Do you have any questions about the crystal?” he asked in a friendly manner.

“Indeed I do.   How does one distinguish the quality of the crystal?” Spock asked.

“This is best answered by allowing you to inspect the crystal,” the store keeper replied as he pressed his middle finger, of three long fingers, against the seal in front of the cabinet to release the lock. He pulled from the cabinet a number of cases which he carried over to his counter near the store entrance.   “The quality of the crystal is best appreciated in natural light as well as by listening to the sound that it makes,” he indicated, as he removed some specimens from boxes.

“The highest quality crystal is a deep red colour, but remains highly reflective, creating a sparkling effect. Here compare some of these for yourself by holding them to the light,” the storekeeper said as he passed a glass to Spock who held each of them up to the light in turn.

“Further, quality crystal has a clear tone.   Notice the difference between these,” he said as he made each of the glasses ring out. “Also, the best crystal will be thinner. Notice the rim on this glass versus this one.”

“Yes, this one appears to be 0.5mm while this one is 0.3mm,” Spock commented as he continued to inspect each of the glasses.”

“Additionally, the value may be enhanced by the quality of the workmanship in etchings in the glass or in the shapes used in crystals to better reflect the light,” the storekeeper added as he pointed to some chandeliers utilizing different crystals.

“I am purchasing a gift and would like it to be of the highest quality,” Spock stated.

“I believe I may have what you are looking for in this case over here.” The owner carefully put the first pieces away and then proceeded to unlock another cabinet.   He removed three different boxes and brought them to the counter.   Each box contained two glasses and he removed one from each and placed it on the counter.  

Spock picked each up in turn and held it to the light, inspected the etchings, the thinness of the glass and then carefully ran his finger around the rim to create a sound.   After doing that he picked up the middle specimen “I believe this to be the premiere specimen.”

“It is indeed,” the storekeeper commented, “this work was completed by Vlad Ptstaff III more than 300 years ago.   See the crest here at the bottom of each glass.   His work is highly prized and sought after. The thinness of the crystal means that not much of his work remains.   However, the price is significant at 3,000 rhin. These others are also of high quality but would be less of an expense.”

“I will take the Pstaff crystal. I think my friend will also appreciate the fact that it is a more historic artifact. He has an appreciation for history,” Spock said.   Although he did not regularly consume alcohol Spock thought he would appreciate having a glass of wine with Jim using these glasses upon his return to the Enterprise.

“I’ll be just a moment while I wrap these items safely for transport.” The owner replaced the glass in the box and took it to a back room.   When he emerged he passed the package to Spock who completed the purchase transaction, and thanked the man for his assistance as he left the shop. It took about 40 minutes to walk back to the hotel. As dusk began to settle over the city the skies turned a light shade of pink. When Spock returned to his rooms, he had a quick sonic shower, then donned his robes as he settled in to meditate before retiring for the evening.

_8 8 8_

Kirk woke unsettled.   Reliving what he had done on Risa had not been restful. It wasn’t his first nightmare about that evening and he supposed it wouldn’t be the last. At least, he reminded himself, he would not allow it to occur ever again.   He missed Spock. Normally, they arose early enough to have a quick round of love making before the day got started.   Just thinking about it was making him hard.   He got up and headed to the shower figuring a little self-pleasure would relieve some of his tension before the day started. Spock would be proud of my efficiency, he chuckled to himself, since at least there’s no mess afterwards this way to clean up.

The day itself was uneventful as the Enterprise made its way towards Merik IV. The highlight, as expected, was the poker game at Scotty’s in the evening.   He had not attended one in a while since it wasn’t Spock’s thing and he preferred to spend what little off duty time they had together.   Kirk decided to bring a bottle of his better stuff along to get the party rolling which was appreciated by all.   The crowd included Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, Riley, Singh, Drake and Bones.

“Don’t be offended gentlemen, but where’s the women?” Kirk asked when he arrived and handed his bottle to Scotty who whistled in appreciation as he started to pour a round of drinks for the participants who had all just arrived.  

Bones indicated as he motioned for Jim to take a seat, “Nurse Chapel is hosting a party for Lt. Somners.   In her culture, on your 25th birthday you are considered a mature female.   There is a ritual that happens amongst the females in the clan. Since she is not exactly at home, Christine and Uhura researched what the ritual entails and are doing their best to recreate it with some of her female friends on the crew standing in as clan members.”

Jim remarked with a smile, “Those two are always doing their best to make everyone feel welcome.”

“Well, that exemplary attitude starts at the top and you certainly lead by example in that area,” Bones replied with a knowing smile. “Anyway, let’s get on with the business at hand.   Deal some cards.”

The evening passed quickly with the banter between friends making the evening an enjoyable one for Jim despite the fact he lost more rounds that he won. The fact that his mind was not entirely on the game likely did not help his win / loss ratio. His friends certainly enjoyed ribbing him about being distracted and missing his mate.   They finished up just past midnight.   When Jim reached his room, he quickly went through his night time routine and hit the hay.

8 8 8

Spock arose in the morning and glanced at the empty spot to his right where Jim would be normally. This was only their second morning apart and he was feeling his absence. He recollected a phrase his mother used to say when he was young and Sarek was travelling on a diplomatic matter, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” He had thought the statement completely illogical when he was young, but he now understood its meaning all too clearly. It was just as well he had conference meetings to attend to until early afternoon to keep his mind occupied.   After the conference officially ended, Spock joined some of the participants for some refreshments in the hotel lounge.   T’Lema approached him and they agreed that they would have dinner in his room and then work on their paper on the useful properties of Zenite which was found in abundance on the planet Argana. To date Zenite was used only to counteract plant diseases, but through additional research conducted on the Enterprise and at the Vulcan Science Academy by T’Lema, they had identified other interesting properties of the mineral that may have far reaching applications.

T’Lema arrived promptly as scheduled with the most recent research that she had completed. Spock ordered dinner and then reviewed the new research material with her.   Dinner arrived and they cleared a space on the table in front of the couch to eat.   As was the custom on Vulcan, they ate in silence, savouring the cuisine. Once dinner was completed and they had moved the plates and cutlery aside, they re-commenced their work on the paper. They worked steadily other than a brief break when Spock prepared some tea for them both. By the end of the evening, Spock was satisfied with the findings to be presented.

“Do you feel you are adequately prepared to present this material at the conference at Star Base 7? Based on the Enterprise’s current schedule we will be out of range of the Star Base at the time of the conference, so I will be unavailable to assist with any questions that are raised,” Spock commented.

“Affirmative.   The time we have spent this evening has been valuable in preparing me for that presentation. I thank you for your assistance. At this time, I think I should retire to my room as no incremental benefit will be gained by working further this evening,” T’Lema replied, rising to make her exit.

Spock rose as well following T’Lema to the door, commenting as he walked, “I agree.   Please contact me if you determine upon further review that further discussion would be beneficial.”

Spock opened the door for T’Lema who raised her hand in the ta’al: “Live long and prosper Spock,” she intoned.   He replied the same and watched her depart safely into the elevator.   He then quickly changed into his robe for an hour of meditation before completing his night time rituals and heading to bed.

8 8 8

Kirk looked out the viewing screen at Merik IV.   Lt. Singh had just maneuvered the Enterprise into standard orbit around the planet. Bones stood over the Captain’s shoulder to his right.  

“Getting anxious to get down there and obtain that new equipment,” Jim said, with a grin at his friend.

“You betch’a,” Bones replied, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

Uhura swung around in her chair, “Their communication officer has indicated that medical staff are standing by on the planet to welcome our personnel and facilitate the movement and set up of the equipment.”

“I guess that’s our cue to be on our way,” Bones said, as he headed to the turbo lift. “Lt. Uhura can you please tell Christine to get the rest of our team and meet me in the transporter room in five minutes. Also let the medical staff know we are on route. Thanks.”

“No problem Doctor McCoy.”

“Jim, I’ll be in touch later this afternoon with a progress report,” Bones said, as the doors closed on him.

“Uhura, please let those scheduled for shore leave know that they are free to go. Chekov, I appreciate you organizing the shore leave schedules in Spock’s absence,” Kirk said with a smile.

“You’re welcome, Captain. Since we are not here long I ensured everyone who did not get shore leave on Deneb V will get at least four hours on Merik IV.”

“I appreciate that and the fact that I seemed to have come out a bit ahead and will be heading down this evening for a dinner show and then a night at the Shangri-La.”

The afternoon went by relatively quickly with most of the bridge personal discussing the best restaurants, museums or shopping locales to hit when they got planet side.   Bones had given Jim an update as promised and the transportation and set up of equipment seemed to have gone smoothly so far. At the end of his shift, Jim headed directly to sickbay to get an in-person debriefing.

As Jim walked around the organized chaos, he spotted his friend, “Hey, are you still on for dinner at 19 hundred hours.  I have reservations at Starlight for us, but I could push it back two hours if needed as there is a later show.”  

“No, that should work perfectly.   This piece of equipment is just about installed. I need to freshen up a bit, but could meet you at the transporter at 17 hundred hours.   That should give us a bit of time to walk about before dinner.   I need to back here for 21 hundred hours.   There are some tests scheduled to ensure the equipment is in operational order, but I don’t need to be here to babysit that happening. M’Benga can obviously contact me if I am needed.   I do plan to return later and review the results.”

“I’ll see you in the transporter room later,” Jim said as he left the room. When he got back to his room he stripped out of his command jersey and pants and put on jeans and a blue V-neck knit sweater.   He laughed at his choice of sweaters, thinking the colour blue must be on his mind, as normally that was not his colour choice. He also quickly put together some toiletries and a loose pair of sleeping shorts in an overnight bag.   As he flopped onto his bed, he reached to the side table to grab his PADD.   He reasoned he might as well keep up with paperwork while he waited. Soon enough it was time to leave and he let Uhura know he was transporting down.  

Bones arrived in the transporter room wearing brown slacks and a short sleeve deep green t-shirt. “Any particular sites you want to see?” he asked Jim.  

“None in particular. I just need to stretch my legs and breathe some non-recycled air.”

Bones gave a nod of agreement chiming, “Amen to that. Scotty did recommend a place that stocks the finest liquors, so if time permits I would like to make a visit.”

Jim chuckled, “It seems Scotty has scouted out every quality liquor establishment in the quadrant. Now let’s get this show on the road.” They both walked over to take their positions on the transporter pads. “Beam us down Ensign Carver.”

Jim and Bones walked along a covered walkway which enclosed numerous shops.   Eventually they happened upon “The Glynfiditch” the shop Scotty had recommended.   Jim and Bones each picked up a bottle of Saurian brandy. Jim also picked up a bottle of Scotch for Scotty since he knew he was not scheduled for shore leave this time. They paid for their purchases then headed for dinner.

Dietary restraint was forgotten when they arrived. Bones began with crab cakes, followed by a T-bone steak with a potato with all the fixings and then pecan pie. Kirk enjoyed Thai chicken wraps, a rib-eye steak smothered in mushrooms with fries and chocolate mud pie.   A good bottle of red wine made it all go down smoothly. Dinner at the Starlight was accompanied by a Las Vegas style review show including singing, dancing and various acrobatic performances. In between numbers, Jim and Bones reminisced about some of their adventures during their younger days. Bones realized he had touched a raw nerve when he remarked “Hey, that blonde at the end of the chorus line looks just like Elena. You must remember her Jim, I believe she put on quite an individual performance for you on Marcus V when was that – must be five years ago now. The walls to those hotel rooms were rather thin and I came from just listening to the both of you.   I’m sure you would enjoy a repeat performance.”

Jim did not laugh at his jest. “That’s enough, Bones. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m spoken for.”

“Relax Jim. I didn’t mean anything by it,” he offered in a conciliatory tone. “I know you’d never do anything to hurt Spock.” He was surprised when he noticed that Jim winced as he spoke. “Anyway, it is approaching 21 hundred hours so I need to get back to inspect the test results. I have confidence everything is okay otherwise M’Benga would have called, but I just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t take a look myself before we left in the morning.”

“I’ll walk with you over to the transporter station.” Jim motioned for the bill.

“I’m a big boy and can get there myself. Feel free to stay and enjoy more of the entertainment.”

Jim looked a bit contemplative as he said, “No. I want to leave. I’ll walk over with you and then go directly to my room.”   Bones could have sworn he heard a muffled whisper after that, “then I’ll stay clear of temptation.”

The walk to see Bones off lasted 10 minutes.   Jim contemplated returning directly to the ship, but decided a night at the Shangri-La should not go to waste even if he would be in his king sized bed all alone. When he reached the room, he took a moment to appreciate the view of the city landscape.   He stripped and got in a hot steamy shower, then donned the complementary bath robe as he made his way over to the replicator to obtain a cup of hot coffee. Coffee in hand he went to the couch and turned on the TV.   He always found local news interesting as you can tell a bit about a culture by what events they choose to lead off their broadcasts with – murder and mayhem, good deeds and tales of hope, business successes, etc.   Once his coffee was done, he turned down the lights and brushed his teeth, slipped off the bath robe and slid into the bed.   No point in putting on my sleeping shorts, he thought to himself, as I am too on edge and they would be just getting in the way. He sighed, closed his eyes and visualized Spock as his right hand began to move rapidly up and down his shaft, his thumb wiping pre-cum from his slit. It wasn’t long before he came with a groan in his hand. Kirk got up, strolled to the bathroom, washed his hands and wiped himself off, then went to bed to finally get some rest.

8 8 8

Spock rose early as he needed to pack his backpack before the shuttle he had arranged to the Ptak Nature Reserve arrived.   He generally did not need to pack water supplies for such a short duration trip given his Vulcan ancestry, but none-the-less he included 1 liter of water, some water purification tablets and electrolyte replacement drink mix in case of difficulty for himself or other hikers. He had a sheik-like head covering for midday heat, a head lamp for night time adventures, fire-starters, hiking poles, food and bags to remove any trash, sleeping bag, one person tent and his trail maps. He had clothing that could be added in layers to allow for air circulation. At present he was dressed in light weight pants, which could be converted to shorts in the mid-day heat, an undershirt, T-shirt and long-sleeved light weight sweatshirt.   He left his wind-breaker jacket in his bag.

Spock packed the remainder of his stuff back into his duffle bag and proceeded to the lobby.   He checked out of the hotel and arranged to have his bag stored.   He proceeded out the main doors and his shuttle was waiting for him. It was a short trip to the park entrance for the reserve.   Given he had a full day, his driver highly recommended he make it to Blander’s Point as it provided the best view of a small gorge and waterfall.   When he looked at his trail map there appeared to trails of various degrees of difficulty and he selected one of moderate difficulty that appeared to have various points of interest related to the indigenous tribes that had originally inhabited the nature reserve.

He set out at a moderate pace into the reserve.   The climate in this part of the country was seasonal and during this time of the year when sunlight was at its peak the vegetation was flourishing. Colourful vines climbed the trees which reached 50 meters in height. Ground coverings also flourished matting the ground in purplish-green with tiny white specks for flowers.

In about 3 hours, he reached the Trepi site.   Archeologists had discovered on the site a village from about 5,000 years earlier.   The site was only partially reclaimed and Spock inspected the artifacts and information on display which included cooking pots and other utensils and stone-work for living areas including a re-creation of a typical home layout around a central cooking pit.   There was also an intricately carved obelisque near the centre of the site with stone seating circling it. The carvings on it had not yet been deciphered, nor had conclusions been reached on whether this was an artifact of religious importance or merely a decoration in a central meeting point. There was consensus that the stone used to construct the obelisque came from a quarry 300 kilometers to the east making the movement of it to this spot one of considerable challenge at that time, for this reason Spock thought it unlikely that the stone was mere decoration.   Spock sat in a clearing and proceeded to eat an energy bar for a light snack.  

After resting for 30 minutes, he decided to resume his hike.   He hiked for a further 2 hours until he reached the Neltar River.   He spotted a decent flat rock to use as a bench and sat down to enjoy his salad greens.   He noted that the river bank had an abundance of animal life, as there were schools of fish-like creatures in the water. He also heard rustling in the underbrush of what he presumed would be small animals foraging on the forest floor. He determined he would walk along the river a bit before resuming the trail.After about an hour he heard voices in the distance.   He soon spotted three Arganian males and 1 female who were swimming in the water.   He walked over and offered greetings and they replied in turn introducing themselves.

“Have you been hiking in the reserve long?” asked Spock. “You are the first people I have encountered. I had thought I might encounter more visitors.”

Gdor, the tallest one in the group at 1.7 meters, with wavy blue hair, replied “Petra, Vlad and I are actually finishing a 1 week camping trip.   At this time of the year, temperatures are at their highest so most natives stay away.   Also most tourists planning a longer trip tend to come a little later in the season. As we came back from Blander’s Point, we thought we heard a couple of other hikers, but we never did actually see them. I presume you are just visiting for a few days.”

“Affirmative.   I came for a conference and will be leaving tomorrow evening, but wanted to take an opportunity while I was here to see the Reserve. In fact, I am headed to Blander’s Point so I may encounter those other hikers. I believe I should be able to arrive late afternoon, so I can find a clearing to set up my tent and then explore the area.”

“Your plan seems quite reasonable.   The view is certainly worth the walk,” Petra commented.   “We camped that area one night ourselves. We spent more of our time at Flunders Glen, although that is too far a hike for a short visit.   Perhaps you will return one day and can make a longer journey.”

“Perhaps.” Spock then turned to start walking back the way he had come to the trail. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“You too,” they called, and gave Spock a wave, which Spock acknowledged with the tip of his head.

Spock eventually made his way back to the trail, then resumed his walk.   The trail at this point starting to have a steeper incline, which only made sense as it overlooked a waterfall which drained into a small gorge. He maintained a steady pace as he proceeded to climb higher and by late afternoon, as planned, he arrived at his destination.   He scouted around the area and found a site to set up his tent, which he quickly erected. He dropped his backpack inside his tent and then proceeded to go to the edge of the gorge.   A small waste high wooden fence was constructed to prevent falls into the gorge, but the view was otherwise unobstructed.   In the distance, you could see the waterfall which fell into the gorge which was shaded different colours of brown to orange from the different layers of sedimentary rock.   It was quiet all around, except for the animal life and the rustling leaves in the breeze.   Spock determined he would take an hour to meditate in this peaceful setting before gathering wood to make a fire later for dinner and a bit of warmth in the cooler evening. He settled himself cross legged on the ground, began his breathing routine and let his mind start to compartmentalize the activities of the day.   However, before the hour was up, he heard voices and rustling in the brush and roused himself.   He saw two hikers, in appearance native to Argana making their way out of the brush.

“Greetings,” Spock said as he stood to look at the hikers, one male and one female.   The male reached his shoulder, was muscular in build and had purplish blue hair and pine green eyes.   The female was 3 centimeters shorter, slimmer in appearance, but athletic in build. She had shoulder length straight blue hair and aquamarine eyes. Both were wearing shorts and T-shirts.

“Greetings.   Are you here just for the day or will you be staying longer,” the male asked while looking around the area.

“I am here for one night.”

“Are you traveling with any one?” the female asked also looking into the surrounding area. We thought we heard a group of travelers earlier in the day, but never spotted them.

“No. My mate was unable to accompany me on this journey.   I attended the Science Conference and wanted to take the opportunity while here to visit the reserve.”

The female glanced at her hiking companion, smiled and said, “Since you are travelling alone you should come join us for dinner.   My name is Sunil and my companion is Dval. You are also welcome to set up camp with us.   We are a bit off the trail, as we generally keep to ourselves, but the distance is not that far. We already have a fire pit set up, if you need to cook any food.”

“I am Spock. I will accept your offer as I have had little opportunity to speak with any native Arganians and I would like to learn more about your culture.   I have already set up my tent and need a moment to collect my things.” Spock retreated into the clearing to dis-assemble his tent. He re-emerged a few moments later and followed Dval and Sunil into the brush.

They walked in relative silence for 17 minutes through the brush, until they reached their campsite.

“You appear to have been here some time,” Spock said as he took in the surroundings, which had a sizeable fire pit, laundry hanging on a string between trees and quite a few food pots, pans and mugs.

“Yes, we have. Dval caught a fish earlier today which we are planning to eat for dinner together with some berries that I was going to pick.”

“My people are vegetarian, so I will not eat the fish, but I do have my own vegetarian meal which I can cook and we can share. It is in bag that simply needs to be left in the fire for a period of time to warm up.”

“Well, you must have some of the berries and I insist you try our native punch.   It is a warm drink with quite a distinct flavor,” Dval said.

“That seems agreeable.” Spock then turned to Sunil, “I can assist you in picking the berries after I have set up my tent.” A few moments later he returned and leaned down to pick up a pot, “Will this be large enough he asked?”

Sunil nodded. “Follow me.   We discovered a patch of bushes a couple of days ago.” Sunil started walking into the brush. “We only pick what we will eat in one meal because we don’t want to attract any wildlife to our campsite. Also the berries are best if picked at their peak.”  

“What are the identifying characteristics of a ripe berry?”

Sunil commented as she pushed some bushes to the side and stepped over a tree trunk, “Ripe berries have will be a light purple shade. Further, you should be able to see red veins in the skin of the berry.   The skin itself should be smooth and firm.   If it appears wrinkled, it is over ripe and will not have the desired firm texture.”    

A few moments later, they arrived at the bushes which were about one meter high. Sunil demonstrated that to pick a ripe berry, you do not pull the berry, but put a slight pressure on the tiny stem holding the berry, in that way the berry is picked with the stem but will not crack and release its juice prematurely. Spock and Sunil worked quickly and efficiently and soon had sufficient berries picked and returned to the campsite.   While they were gone Dval had cleaned the fish and was ready to put it in a pan. Spock retrieved his food which would take about 5 minutes to heat in the fire.   While the food cooked, Sunil washed the berries and distributed them in 3 separate cups and also obtained metal plates and utensils for the food which was placed on a large flat boulder that served as a table.   Each person cleared a space on the ground and sat down to enjoy their meal. Spock tried the berries and found them similar to red grapes he had eaten on earth in texture and similarly refreshing. Once the food was eaten Sunil announced she would prepare the punch. Sunil gave a nod to Dval, who rose, saying “We should let Sunil work a moment.   Let us take our plates and cups to the small creek to rinse them off and when we return the punch should be prepared.”  

As predicted, when they returned, three cups of steaming punch were waiting for them.   The temperature was starting to drop as dusk was settling over the landscape, so Spock excused himself for a moment and returned with an extra layer of clothing. He appreciated that his punch was heated thoroughly as a warm drink would help “keep off the chill” as his mother sometimes said.   Spock also noted that his punch was quite fragrant. “What are the ingredients?”

Sunil smiled coyly, “Perhaps I will tell you later, after you have enjoyed a cup. Please drink up.” She and Dval began to sip their drinks.   “Every family has their own blend of herbs and spices used in the punch, but the core ingredients tend to remain the same.”

As they finished their punch, Spock asked Sunil and Dval various questions about Arganian culture and how long they had been or intended to stay in the Reserve. He observed they were quiet responsive to the first set of question, but rather evasive about other questions.   He also noticed he was feeling not quite himself.   His perceptions were a bit off and his time sense was eluding him.  He observed that the sun had set, but he could not recall when that had happened. He vaguely wondered if the punch had perhaps contained an herb that had this effect. When he tried to stand to retire to his tent, he realized the effect was stronger than he had realized. The impact to his perceptions seemed similar to that which he had observed in his shipmates when they had consumed too much alcohol.   His motor skills were severely impaired. He stumbled when he went to take a step and then fell to the ground.   He started to push himself back up again on his hands and knees, when he was clubbed on the back of his head into an unconscious state.

When he awoke, he lay naked on a blanket, alone, on the ground inside a tent.   He was bound spread-eagled at the ankles and wrists to four posts that were secured in the ground. His bindings were not exceedingly tight and were cushioned so as not to be painful, but he was immobilized. The back of his throat was sore and he had a strange metallic taste in his mouth that he could not associate with anything he had consumed.   He realized he was still being impacted by whatever substance he had consumed as he could not seem to think clearly, his time sense was not working and his body seemed unresponsive to his mind’s will at the moment. He tried to command his arms or legs to pull with force on his bindings but his muscles did not obey. Neither Sunil nor Dval were in the tent. He could hear them approaching from outside. They spoke to each other.

“You need to take your pleasure of him soon so we can depart,” Dval said.

“I need him awake and aroused as I can’t take pleasure like you did while he is unconscious. Also don’t you want more? If you hadn’t hit him so hard, I might have already had some fun.” Sunil opened the tent and realized Spock’s eyes were open and looking in her direction. Dval followed behind. Both of them were naked. Their appearance was similar to many humanoid species except that they were devoid of hair around their genitals, although Spock surmised that could be a matter of personal preference.

“Well, it appears you have awoken. Apologies for the knock on your head. We don’t normally have to resort to brute force, but most aliens typically pass out long before you did, so we can secure them before they wake up,” Sunil said. She kneeled down on his left side beside Spock and placed her open palm on the middle of his chest.

Spock found that his shields were also impeded as Sunil’s unwelcome thoughts intruded on him immediately. It was clear she desired him sexually.   He tried to form a coherent thought, but all he could force himself to say was “Why?”

“Why not?” She slid her three fingered hand past his abdominal muscles and further down to clasp his penis. “We need to get this organ stiff if I am to get some satisfaction. And to answer your question, Dval and I are simply attracted to various shapes and sizes of aliens. We love both the male and female form. We discovered each other on a unique on-line dating site and discovered we had a mutual kink.   We found it advantageous to work together to lure and secure subjects. We decided to set up camp in the Nature Reserve as it attracts alien visitors, often unaccompanied to see the sites.   Have no fear for your life, we simply want a sexual encounter and will release you in the morning. You may even find it pleasurable, many of our subjects do, as we are quite skilled in eliciting a response without the use of pain.”

As she spoke, Dval crouched down to his right and leaned forward to lick his left nipple. His left hand reached across Spock’s body and he rubbed the other nipple with his long thin fingers. Despite Spock’s attempt to control any physical response he found he simply could not focus adequately to block the stimulation which was resulting in his nipples hardening and becoming more and more sensitive to touch. Dval began to alternate nipping and sucking and Spock was acutely aware of the fact that he was becoming aroused despite his wishes.

Sunil rose momentarily and returned with some oil and a wand like apparatus about a centimeter in diameter.   “This oil has properties that will enhance your response.   You may feel a slight burning sensation at first, but it will not be painful. Dval is quite fond of this oil.   Aren’t you?” she said, as she ran her fingers down Dval’s back.

Spock tried to focus. He could not think of what he could say to persuade them to leave him alone and was having trouble forming coherent thoughts.   He managed to say, “no,” followed by “mated,” a few moments later.

Sunil looked up. “We are not going to damage you. Your mate won’t know anything ever happened unless you choose to tell her, or is it him? Perhaps you will learn something new that you will want to share.”   She poured some of the oil into the palm of her hand, then rubbed her hands together and kneeled between Spock’s legs and clasped his penis.   She began to massage in the oil. As predicted, he began to feel a burning sensation. She then poured more oil onto her long fingertips which proceeded to slide up his crack to his anus. She then firmly pushed in up to her knuckle. She looked at Spock and said, “I suspect you have been used here before.   That was easier than with some species. Do Vulcan’s typically have male on male sex? I thought you Vulcan’s were all about logic. What is logical about sex without procreation?” She went a bit deeper coating the area with oil continuing to speak “We have read that Vulcan’s have no emotional response, but we don’t believe it. I guess we’ll find out.” She then withdrew her finger, rubbed additional oil on the wand and pushed it in.   “I believe some internal stimulation may enhance your pleasure,” she said as she reached up and pulled from a nearby table a small device. “We’ll start with a low setting so you can adjust to the sensations and begin to wish for more. Everyone does,” Sunil said, with a knowing smile.

Spock immediately felt the impact of the wand which began to vibrate at a slow steady pace.   The stimulation was impossible to block and his arousal was continuing to grow. He could sense that blood was beginning to pool in his organ against his will. “I do not desire this,” he ground out, as he noted his breath was becoming shorter.  

Dval looked up and momentarily stopped what he was doing. “Where is the logic in that statement Vulcan?   Evidence suggests that you _do_ desire this. Look at how you are responding to us – your nipples are sensitive, your body is becoming a lovely shade of green, your breathing has become shallow and rapid, your eyes have dilated…”

Sunil cut-him off as she got on her hands and knees to lean over Spock’s penis, “your penis is firming in excitement. See how it reaches towards me and is starting to leak.” Then she leaned forward and licked pre-cum from its tip. “You have a delicious spicy flavour. Dval have a taste.” Dval turned and grabbed the base of Spock’s penis and leaned in to take a taste himself.

“Mmmmm. Quite tasty. And I forgot to mention the musky scent your pheromones are emitting. Clearly, all signs of arousal, but we can do better can’t we Sunil.” He then began to rapidly rub his oil lubricated fingers which circled Spock’s penis up and down. Soon it firmed to a strong column.   Sunil turned the vibrator up a notch and then spread her legs to straddle over top of Spock’s midsection.   She rubbed her sex into his abdominal region.   “Feel how wet I am for you. I can’t wait to have you inside me.”

Spock groaned. He could not block the thoughts of Sunil and Dval and their arousal, combined with the stimulation he was experiencing was overwhelming him.   He felt ashamed that he could not control, then frustration with himself for feeling ashamed.

“A groan from our quite Vulcan. I am sure we can elicit more of a response when you come, and you will come for me, I promise,” Sunil said as she leaned forward, pressing her body against Spock’s chest, and grasping Spock’s head when he tried to turn away. She kissed him. Come now, let me in. Don’t close your mouth against me,” she protested. Hearing Sunil’s frustration, Dval got up and moved himself between the Vulcan’s legs and decided to swallow Spock whole. Spock’s involuntary response was to gasp and Sunil plunged her tongue inside feeling the roof of Spock’s mouth, wrapping his tongue and otherwise exploring his mouth.  

Dval continued to stimulate Spock’s cock by sucking firmly. “Sunil, you are going to love the feel of this cock.   It flares at the side and it has these most delightful ridges,” Dval said as he continued to take Spock deeper and deeper into his throat. “And I believe our Vulcan is thrusting his hips.   Tsk, tsk, I thought you did not desire this.”

Spock realized with despair that he had begun thrusting his hips without any conscious thought and it was inevitable that he would come shortly.   His hope was that perhaps when that happened they would leave him in peace.   Shortly thereafter, his muscles contracted with a spasm and he released into Dval’s mouth.

“No!” Sunil shouted in frustration as she realized what was happening. “I wanted him.” She spun around and pushed Dval, who at least had the decency to give her a taste of what remained of Spock’s release. “It’s not fair, you already got release down his throat.”

Dval shrugged, “It is fare. I came in his throat. And now he came in mine.   Anyway, I read that Vulcan’s recover quite quickly.   All this fun, has got me quite hard.   Let me take him another way. I am sure that will revive his flagging organ.   Pass me more of the oil.”

Sunil got off of Spock and grabbed the oil.   “Let me,” she said as she poured some oil into her palms then kneeled in front of Dval and began to rub it briskly onto his penis, which was about 5 cm shorter in length than the Vulcan’s and not as wide in diameter. “You are getting hard for him. I am sure his hole is hungry for some attention after enduring the vibrator for this long.”  

“Sunil, remember how we have found that some species have an erogenous zone in their channel.   Perhaps you can experiment with the wand a bit and let me know if you notice anything. I want him to appreciate this,” Dval said.

“You are considerate.” Sunil then reached for the remote, turned the wand to its highest setting and grabbed the end of it. She began to move it, in and out, up and down to touch various places inside of Spock.

Spock tried to control his reactions and give no sign of when she hit his prostrate, but it was hopeless as Sunil watched him intently. He bit his lip to avoid crying out when she hit the mark, but she picked up on it immediately. “Dval look. I think this is the magic spot.   Aim for here and I think he will be most appreciative.”

“I am ready.” Sunil grabbed a pillow as Dval raised Spock off the ground. She pushed it under his behind. Dval then kneeled on the ground before Spock and removed the wand.   He inspected Spock’s entrance which was flushed green and then inserted one finger quickly followed by another and scissored him open a bit wider. “I think that should be sufficient. I am not that wide.” He lined himself up then pushed in slowly watching for signs of pain.

“I do believe you are correct Sunil. His mate must be a male. He took me in very easily. Perhaps I should be jealous, I suspect his mate may be wider than me, the way Spock swallowed me up so smoothly.” Dval started to pump into Spock with a slow and steady pace. He watched Spock closely as he tried to find the magic spot. He knew when he had hit his mark as Spock’s eyes dilated even further.   He continued to pound it, getting further aroused himself, as he noted Spock’s organ had started to harden and Spock’s head was beginning to thrash about. Spock had begun to wonder how much longer Dval would last, when Dval shouted out, as his hot emission spilled inside him. “You appeared to enjoy that also Spock,” Dval said as he removed himself and made space for Sunil saying, “Your turn.”

Sunil kneeled between Spock’s legs and leaned in to lick the trail of semen that leaked from Spock’s hole.   Her tongue licked around his hole as her right hand grabbed his column and began to stroke up and down. She whispered between licks, “I can’t wait to have your magnificent organ inside me.” As his time sense was lost, he was not certain how long it took before his penis was engorged once again.   Sunil took it in her mouth and explored his double ridges and flared head. “It is just exquisite,” she hummed with excitement.  

Spock had given up trying to get them to stop   He wondered if Jim would be disappointed in him. If Jim would feel he should continue to resist and fight his response despite knowing he would fail. Jim does not believe in no-win scenarios.   But he just wanted it to be over with.   He knew Sunil would not relent until she had him, so instead of trying to slow his arousal, he just closed his eyes and resigned himself to his fate and let it happen. He heard Sunil request Dval to lift him up, and he realized that they had removed the pillow that they had previously placed under him and he was back on the ground. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Sunil straddling herself over him. She grabbed his organ and lined herself up and then slid down. He felt her sitting on his groin.

Again he thought, perhaps I should try and prevent myself from coming. His thoughts were less of a jumble now. Whatever drug they had given him was dissipating from his system and he might be able to deny Sunil the satisfaction. He despaired over what Jim would think, if he did not actively resist, when possibly he could. Would Jim be able to forgive him?   Of course, he need not tell Jim what happened, as he would only find it disturbing. He wondered if he was considering avoiding the conversation to simply not have to bear Jim’s disappointment.

Sunil looked at him, “Why so pensive my sweet Vulcan? It will all be over soon and you can leave with memories of the wonderful experiences you have shared with us.”

Spock looked at her and tried to say as calmly as possible, “Sunil, why must you do this? You know I am mated to another and do not want this. Can you not let me go now?”

“It appears you are a bit more coherent now that before. I think that this is your first sentence since we began our fun. The answer is no. I told you at the beginning I have a fetish for aliens and I will not be satisfied without having you come inside me. You are our first Vulcan. Be logical about this. I can see you are considering trying to resist now that your senses are coming back to you, but I tell you I will simply give you more of the drug I administered in the first place.   I will have you now or a little while from now, but I will have you,” she said in a quiet tone, looking down on him.  

Spock looked away. He would not acquiesce to being raped. But he knew he did not to want to prolong this further by being drugged again. Sunil understood that he would not fight her desire and said with a bit of triumph in her voice, “You will come and fill me with your seed. Then it will be over.” She then slid her hands up Spock’s chest and reached for his nipples.   “These are not as hard as they were previously. Dval help me.” Dval kneeled down and leaned in, lavishing the left nipple with his tongue, while Sunil twisted the right with her fingers.   She also ground her pelvis into Spock’s groin then began to ride up and down Spock’s cock. Spock felt himself starting to flush.  

“You look delightful,” Sunil shouted. Dval thought so as well and stood to masturbate and take a better look as Sunil came undone. Sunil reached out and pulled Dval closer. He stood over Spock with his back to him so she could take him in her mouth from her seated position on Spock.   She continued to ride Spock as she took Dval more deeply her mouth.   The waves of lust rolling off of Sunil were overwhelming Spock and making him extremely aroused. He found himself bucking up off the ground to meet Sunil’s rhythm.   He knew the end was coming soon as he could feel himself begin to contract and spasm and soon he groaned as he climaxed releasing his seed into Sunil. He wondered to himself if his orgasm was so powerful because of the sense of relief that washed through him that this might now all end.

Sunil felt his hot emission inside her and also climaxed. Dval continued to plunder her mouth for a few moments more and then was releasing his load into her, although he pulled out quickly to aim most of his ejaculate onto Spock’s chest and face. Spock swallowed what got into his mouth and the metallic taste was a reminder that it was the same as that which had been in his mouth when he had awoken, although he did not remember Dval taking him in the mouth. He watched as Sunil crawled forward, releasing his member a last. She licked some of Dval’s release off his chest and then off his face, licking around his mouth, cheeks and eyes. She kissed him again gently. Then stood up.

Spock watched them quietly. He believed what they had said earlier about leaving him alive was true as he read no other intentions in either of their thoughts when they had been in contact with him. Dval cleaned himself off with a small towel and Sunil did the same. They booth quickly got dressed.

Sunil turned to him and said, “Thank you for a wonderful evening. You were a most satisfactory subject. I am going to give you something which should put you to sleep for a few hours. This is so we can release you from your bindings while also slipping away ourselves.   She released a small packet into some water.   Spock considered that there was no point refusing to drink the potion as he desired very much to be left alone. Dval pushed a pillow up behind his head so that Sunil could slowly pour the drink into his mouth.   Once done, the pillow was removed and again he lay on the ground. Spock closed his eyes and let the sleeping potion do its work.   For a while he heard the sounds of Sunil and Dval as they packed up their gear. Then all went blank.

8 8 8

Kirk awoke. He checked the clock and it was 2:13 am.   He wondered what could have woken him. Then suddenly he knew it was his bond with Spock that had caused him to stir as something wasn’t quite right. His connection wasn’t quite the same. He tried to reach out and make contact, but was unsuccessful in getting anything clear. He could not decipher if that was because Spock was simply blocking him, but that didn’t quite seem right as then he normally would not get any leakage that could have woken him up. His connection with Spock seemed foggy. Then he felt a moment of euphoria. The bond then was quiet for a while. What did leak through later almost felt like confusion, despair and resignation. Later again the bond began to hum again, there was a moment of short lived euphoria followed quickly by a sense of relief.   Then there was nothing at all.  

Kirk paced his room trying to make sense of it. He tried to place when the bond ever had acted like this before. He couldn’t think of anything that had created a foggy connection before, but what he did know was that sense of euphoria only had come through before whenever Spock achieved an orgasm. In addition to all the physical signs there was always this mental buzz that occurred when Spock climaxed. He had never thought about it before, but now he was certain that while on shore leave Spock had had a sexual encounter with someone and had climaxed twice.

_Why?_ He thought in anguish. _Why would Spock be unfaithful?_ Then suddenly the answer swam before his eyes.   To get even.   If I knew when Spock climaxed, then he certainly knew about my cheating on Risa. I hadn’t even thought to shield until afterwards. _It’s no wonder he had looked at me so intently when I had returned from the planet_ , Jim thought. He had been waiting for my confession and request for forgiveness, but I had kept it buried.   So now Spock wanted me to know what it felt like and was letting his shields down enough to let me know he had gotten his revenge.

It all made sense. Yet somehow it didn’t. It might be something he would do in a fit of rage, but Spock plotting revenge for months and initiating a sexual encounter with a stranger just didn’t seem like Spock. Even a Spock with a proper motive given to him by an unfaithful spouse.   If he had planned this then the other emotions he had felt leak through seemed all wrong – confusion, despair, resignation, relief? Wouldn’t Spock feel satisfaction at getting even as planned or had he later regretted his decision and thus was confused and in despair?   But then why the second orgasm? Kirk had felt confused and despondent after cheating, but that had caused him to stop. After one climax he had realized he had made the biggest mistake of this life and stopped.   Why would Spock do it again? Did he want me to know he did not care?  

Also why the sense of resignation, was he resigned to ending their bond, if that was at all possible. Or would they separate and only come together for the necessity of ponn farr. Was Spock relieved because it was done and he sensed it was all over?   Well, it isn’t over Kirk thought to himself, as I will not accept that it is all over.   I should have talked to him before. I can accept that I may have driven him to this, but I am not prepared to give up our bond without discussion.   He has to forgive me and I will have to forgive him, so we can move on. If we meld he will know that I love him and that I regret what I did and that I won’t let it happen again.  

Kirk continued to pace his room wondering if he was leaping to conclusions. Reacting by getting even was a very human response, but was it the response Spock would choose given his Vulcan heritage. He tried to think of another time when he had reacted that way but came up blank.   Did I push him over the edge or is there another possible explanation?

Kirk finally concluded he was getting nowhere by himself. He thought perhaps a discussion with Bones in the morning would help. With that decision made, he got back into bed. He did not expect to sleep, but at least he could rest until it was time to leave.

8 8 8

Spock awoke chilled, with a pounding headache. For a moment he felt himself begin to panic, but then calmed himself as he realized the room was quiet. Although he was naked, he was clear-headed, in his sleeping bag in his own tent and alone. His attackers had fled and removed his restraints.  He immediately sensed that Kirk was trying to reach him along the bond, he acknowledged his presence, but he clamped down on his shields immediately. He needed to consider what he would tell Kirk and what he would keep to himself. As he got up, he thought he was thankful that Sunil and Dval had put him into his sleeping back as the air was quite brisk and he may have been adversely impacted with prolonged exposure to the cold of the night. He noted that they had also washed off his body removing any obvious visible evidence of his attack. He wasn’t sure if any forensic evidence remained on his person, but suspected they could not have removed it all without taking a significant amount of time which they likely did not have given they had to escape the premises.  

He sensed it was now 6:10. He needed to get packed and depart back to the edge of the reserve as he had arranged transportation for 10:00. He quickly packed his gear. Physically he was unharmed and as such the hike back should not pose a difficulty as long as he kept a moderate pace.   He departed forthwith and as he walked he considered how to proceed.   He determined that once in town he would report to the authorities immediately what had occurred.   He recognized that this may delay his rendezvous with the Enterprise and he would need to provide an explanation to the Captain.

He could see no logical reason to tell Jim what had occurred. Jim knowing would not change what had occurred. He could not undue what was done. If he did tell him, it may only result in Jim being disappointed in his response.   He did not want to risk his bond mate’s disapproval as the bond was too important to him. His one concern was that he was not sure what had leaked through to Jim during the night as his mental capabilities were impaired. Jim did seem anxious in the brief moment of contact he had with him before he put his shields in place.   What if he already knew and had judged him to be a failure?

Then he thought that was harsh. Jim was not unfair. He would not judge without at least hearing the facts. If necessary, he would explain how it was, try and make him understand his perspective. But that would not be his preference.

8 8 8

To Jim’s surprise, he had fallen back asleep, for a short period. When he woke, he immediately reached out along the bond. For a quick moment he felt Spock’s presence, clear like normal, then it was gone. It was clear Spock had put up his shields. He realized this was quiet different than what had occurred during the night when the bond was foggy. He wondered what caused the difference.

He made himself a coffee in the replicator, then packed up his belongings quickly. Although he was ahead of schedule, he felt a need to get back to ship so he could talk with Bones. He flipped open his communicator and hailed the Enterprise.  

“Captain, we were not expecting you this early,” Lieutenant Keel said.

“I had a bit of a restless night. I’ll be beaming up.   I’ll be going to my cabin until Alpha shift commences. Please connect me with the transporter room.”

Jim was beamed up a moment later and proceeded to his quarters.   When he arrived, he commed Bones.

“Did the equipment installation go smoothly? I am anxious to get back to Argana if you are satisfied.”

“Everything went perfectly, Jim.   We couldn’t be happier.   Feel free to leave orbit as we have accepted delivery on our end. Anxious to check up on your spouse?” Bones teased.

“I wouldn’t put it like that,” Jim said, with some hesitance as he glanced down. He then looked back up into the view screen at his friend, “Care to have breakfast with me in my quarters, I need some perspective on something, and I don’t want this discussion overheard in the mess hall.”

Bones had picked up some tension in Jim’s body language and responded immediately. “How about you get your Yeoman to get something for us to eat. I’ll be by in 15 minutes. I just need to speak with M’Benga.”

Bones arrived at his Captain’s quarters just as Yeoman Rand was leaving. “It appears I have perfect timing.   The food smell’s good.  What do we have?” Bones asked casually.

“We each have a bowl of oatmeal topped with fruits and nuts and some hot coffee.”   He was seated at his small table and Bones came over to join him.

“Did you have a good sleep at the Shangri-La? The mattresses sure must beat what we’ve got here on the Enterprise.” Bones took a sip of his coffee and focused his attention on Jim.  

Jim sighed. “No, not really. I woke in the middle of the night and have been unable to make sense of what I felt.   Thought I might benefit from an outside opinion, before I jump to unfounded conclusions.” He took a spoonful of his oatmeal and then almost squirmed in his seat. “I’ll start by saying that I am not without my own faults. What I am uncertain of is whether I am projecting my own bad behavior onto Spock with no basis.”

He then quickly summarized how he had awoken suddenly in the night, sensed through the bond twice the euphoria he only previously had felt when Spock climaxed, that throughout the night the bond seemed to be fuzzy and unclear and that he had sensed other feelings during the night of confusion, despair, resignation and relief. Bones remained quiet as Jim spoke, simply nodding, and eating his oatmeal as the facts were relayed. When Jim stopped talking, he put down his spoon, looked Jim directly in the eye and asked, “So what preliminary conclusions have you reached.”

Jim looked back at Bones and said simply, “I think he cheated on me.”

Bones shook his head in negation, “That’s ridiculous, Jim. As far as I can see, he is head over heels for you and has been that way for a long time. What would make Spock behave so unlike his normal self?”

Jim took a sip of his coffee. Then stood and paced back and forth a bit resuming the conversation. “God knows, I gave him the motivation to do this.   On Risa, I cheated on him.   I was on edge after the close escape on Fardor. Spock was withdrawn physically and emotionally.   Instead of talking it out with him, I escaped and screwed the first woman I encountered to feel alive again.   I thought he did not know, but realize now he must have sensed what I did through the bond. I swear he looked at me knowingly after I beamed up. He gave me the opportunity to confess, but I didn’t. I think he just was getting even.”

“Shit, Jim,” Bones scowled.   “You really did mess up. You know how sacred bonds are to Vulcans. But that said, I still don’t believe our logical Vulcan would be able to rationalize getting even. His vows are sacred to him, and I don’t see him breaking them no matter what you did. If you ask me, Spock would be in the camp that ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ so there must be a different explanation. You know Spock, he would be more likely to clam up and internalize his pain. ”

“What if he just gave in to the same urges you and I get. After all these months of being bonded to you, he’s gotten used to having regular sex. Maybe he just missed the physical release and masturbated his way to orgasm the whole time thinking of you. Perhaps it confused and embarrassed him, you know how he is about his human needs peeking out. He might resign himself to letting it happen then feel relief when it worked.” Bones took a sip of coffee slapped his hand of his knees and said, “See that all fits. It’s elementary, my dear Watson.”

Jim paused in his pacing and smiled at Bones’ reference.   “It might fit the facts.   I didn’t get the sense of relief until the second time, perhaps the first time was not enough.” He almost smiled thinking of his sexually frustrated mate. But then he shook his head saying, “No. It doesn’t completely work. It doesn’t explain the fact that the bond was fuzzy before and after. If Spock was embarrassed by what he was doing, he could have simply shielded and I never would have known.”

“Well, perhaps another explanation will fit the facts. I don’t know of what other sexual adventures Spock had prior to being bonded with you since he is not the ‘kiss and tell’ type.   The only interactions I have observed were brought about when he was not in right mind.   Remember on Omi Cron Ceti III, he fell for Leila when under the influence of the spores and on Sarpeidon he was attracted to Zarabeth when he reverted to act like a Vulcan of that time period. So perhaps there was an external force at work. If he had been drugged, his brain might have been foggy and it could impact his ability to shield, it would depend on what was taken.”

“Bones, I don’t see Spock purchasing recreational drugs to take on his camping trip. It seems like you are trying to stretch the facts to fit the situation,” Jim said, resuming his pacing.

“I didn’t say he took the drugs deliberately. Maybe someone slipped him something in the bar at the hotel and he never went camping, or he did go camping and ingested a narcotic berry. All I am saying is that certain drugs could cause his brain to react the way you described. It might explain his uncharacteristic behavior.”

Jim resumed his pacing thinking out loud. “Spock is too experienced a science officer to show up on a planet and start ingesting berries or mushrooms or anything else that he knows nothing about. The only way drugs could get into his system is if they were administered without his knowing or against his will.”   When he realized what he just said, he knees buckled a bit, and he sat down.   “Shit. Those sorts of drugs are never administered without ill intent.

Bones said gravely, “I am afraid I agree with you.”

Jim shook his head, “I can’t believe I was about to accuse him of cheating when the facts could mean he was attacked against his will. I really don’t deserve him.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too much Jim. Your gut was telling you that you had not sorted it out, which is why you called. Also it was the middle of night. Further, we don’t really know a damn thing.   We are just speculating. Maybe he did just take a recreation drug to loosen up and jack off to your image in his head. Either way, I do think we should get on our way. There is no reason we need to stay now that the equipment is installed.”

Jim quickly called the bridge to confirm everyone was back from shore leave then ordered departure at warp four.   Bones then resumed their discussion asking, “Jim, do you sense that he is in trouble?”

Jim paused to think and replied “No, I don’t that he is. For the brief moment, we were in contact this morning, I sensed he was mentally focused. If he was being held captive somewhere, I think they would keep him drugged. Also, if he needed to send out a call for help, that would have been the time to do it. Instead he put up his shields instead.   Clearly, he is keeping something to himself.”

“Jim, don’t sound so accusatory. Maybe he is trying to process something. You aren’t going to get him to open up about anything with that approach,” Bones admonished, as he finished off his oatmeal.

“You’re right, Bones.   And I didn’t mean to sound accusatory.   I know I’m the last person who should make accusations here. I just worry that sometimes he holds things back to protect me. I better get ready for my shift, it’s almost that time. Thanks for being my sounding board.”

Bones pushed back from the table and said as he rose and headed for the door, “Give him a chance Jim. You haven’t even seen him yet.   Later, if he appears to be holding back you’ll have to figure out a way to draw him out.   But I think you have a little explaining to do yourself.   Perhaps you should think a bit, while you sit in that chair on the bridge, about the secrets you have been keeping from Spock.”

8 8 8

When Spock made his way out of the reserve, his shuttle was waiting. He was thankful that it was an automated shuttle so that he did not have to make “small talk” with any driver. He confirmed the hotel destination and sat back to relax.   It appeared that it would take 1.2 hours to get to the hotel. He had not had an opportunity to meditate since his attack and he knew he wanted to use the hour to try and analyze his emotional response to what had occurred and deal with it as best he could before he had to discuss matters with the authorities and later face Jim on the Enterprise.

Spock roused himself from his meditation an hour before his arrival at the hotel. He checked the adjusted time to destination and he would be arriving in 5 minutes slightly ahead of schedule.   The opportunity to meditate had been welcome and he felt more in control of himself and ready to face the remainder of the day.  When he arrived back at the hotel, he proceeded to the concierge desk.   He advised he had a crime to report that had occurred off the hotel property. He requested the concierge’s assistance regarding the appropriate process to follow.   The concierge advised him of the location of the nearest authorities and obtained the name of an officer Spock could contact when he arrived. He also arranged transportation to the location for Spock.   Spock picked up the bag he had checked and then was on route to the authorities.

While in the car, Spock’s communicator chirped.   He raised his eyebrow in surprise as the rendezvous time with the Enterprise was set for 14 hundred hours. He had been a bit concerned that he might not be able to speak with the authorities and submit himself to any medical procedures they would require without requesting a delay, so early arrival of the Enterprise was a bit problematic.   However, there was no point in speculating what prompted their early arrival so he merely flipped his communicator open and stated, “Spock here.”

8 8 8

Jim arrived for his shift, nodded welcomes to the bridge crew members, sat himself in his chair, and asked, “Chekov what is the ETA on arrival at Argana?”

“We are anticipating arrival for 12:45, Captain. That is ahead of the rendezvous time set with Spock,” he added looking up from the Science officer station.

“I am aware of that. Uhura, when will be in communicator range with Spock? I’d like to advise him of our earlier arrival.”

“We should come into communicator range shortly, Captain,” she replied smoothly.   “Would you like me to hail Spock once we are within range?” Uhura sensed the Captain was anxious to speak with Spock as there was something in his body language that told her he was tense. Perhaps it was the way his shoulders were drawn back, or the way he learned forward in this chair willing the ship to arrive faster, while not pushing the ship to warp five when there was no obvious necessity. A few minutes later she was able to tell the Captain that Spock was holding for him. She noted how his body almost sagged in relief. It was most confusing to her.

“Spock, we will be arriving early at 12:45. I presume you will be able to beam up at that time,” Jim said willing his voice to sound as it normally would in front of the crew. He really wanted to shout where the hell have you been? I have been worried sick. Why are you shielding so strongly?

Spock surmised that Jim suspected something and that was why the Enterprise was early; however, there was the possibility that there was truly an emergency in which case he could possibly make his report from the ship and have a medical exam completed on board the Enterprise; however, he preferred to keep the matter private if possible. “Is there an emergency that requires my return earlier than scheduled?”

Jim shook his head. Obviously he could not say in front of the crew why he was anxious to see Spock, but none-the-less he tried for more information. “No. There is no emergency. Is there anything in particular holding you up. I could send someone down to assist you, or beam down myself, once we are in orbit,” Kirk added in a hopeful tone, wishing Spock would request his assistance.

“Negative, Captain. I have a couple of private matters to attend to on the planet. I may in fact be delayed. Would that be a problem?” Spock asked as he looked out the window of the shuttle.

Uhura observed that Jim seemed concerned by the response. Even she had to admit to herself it seemed uncharacteristic of Spock.   He was always so punctual. Normally he would have taken care of private matters earlier in the week so that he would be able to rendezvous on time. “A moderate delay should not be a problem. When do you anticipate arriving?” he asked, putting the ball back in Spock’s court.

Spock paused, for what seemed an unusual length of time to Uhura, before answering, “Unable to speculate at this time Captain. Could I update you later at 14 hundred hours?” Spock had reasoned that after his discussions with the Officer he would be able to better answer Jim’s questions.

Again Jim was troubled by the response, as it lacked Spock’s normal precision, but there was nothing much to do other than say, “Yes, that will be fine. Please contact us when you have more information.” He then quickly added, “I have missed you and look forward to your return.” Uhura smiled at him in a supportive way with that remark. His relationship with Spock was not a secret, but normally they spoke only business on the bridge. Jim thought she was looking at him in an odd way, as though she could sense more was going on in the conversation than what was on the surface. _I guess that is why she a great communication officer_ , he thought.

“Affirmative, Spock out,” he replied. Jim’s personal remark had surprised him, as it was uncharacteristic in public, and he was not certain what it implied, but he did not have the time to analyze as he arrived at his destination. Spock paid the driver, grabbed his stuff and entered the station.  

Spock proceeded to the reception desk and asked for Officer Plasner. A few moments later, an athletic man came out to greet him and ushered him into an office. Spock detailed his ordeal in the reserve and thanks to his eidetic memory a detailed account of the appearance of his attackers. His deposition was recorded. Officer Plasner revealed that they had received similar reports from three other alien visitors where the perpetrators matched his description. However, they had not yet been able to apprehend the attackers.   He indicated that he thought perhaps they lived in the city and then camped in the reserve periodically looking for victims and then hiked out. He asked Spock if he would be able to identify where he was held within the reserve. Spock indicated he was certain he would be able to identify the spot. The Officer asked Spock if he would be willing to go back to the reserve and also go to the hospital with another Officer so they could gather any physical evidence that remained. He explained that there might be semen or hairs/skin which would hold DNA evidence. The Officer indicated they would look for signs of physical force. Spock reminded him the attack had not been violent and told him that his spouse was male so he was experienced with anal penetration. However, Spock understood the necessity and asked how long the procedures might take since he was due back on the Enterprise and needed to update his Captain.  

He also asked about the confidentiality of the process. Officer Plasner explained that his report would remain confidential. He explained victims could not be compelled to testify as they respected the privacy of the individual. However, if he did want to press charges and there was a trial then it would be a matter of public record. Spock would not be required to determine at this time whether he wanted to press charges. But if he did and there was a trial then he would need to be willing to return to Argana and the names of the accusers and the defendants were made publicly available. The trial itself was typically open to the public, but in certain circumstances were closed to the public; however, that was relatively rare and typically involved minors.

When their discussions ended, Officer Plasner introduced him to Officer Bdele who was to accompany him to the hospital.   During the short trip to the hospital, she explained that when the procedures were completed they would return to the station. When they arrived Spock was led to an examination room and introduced to Doctor Xmbal. The Doctor indicated that they would do an examination to obtain what physical evidence they could of his attack and that he would also do some tests to determine whether he had been exposed to any diseases. He also suggested as a precaution immediate vaccination against a number of diseases. Spock indicated that as a member of Starfleet he was routinely vaccinated and he did not believe that was necessary. The Doctor agreed that Starfleet protocols would address his vaccination concerns, but had an assistant draw blood to perform additional tests.   Spock then undressed and the physical examination proceeded.   To his surprise, as the exam progressed he actually found himself wishing that it was Doctor McCoy, instead of Doctor Xmbal, who performed this task although he had no logical reason for preferring the one over the other.   What did it matter who probed him for evidence? When the exam, was completed the Doctor indicated that they had been able to retrieve a semen sample and had found what appeared to be some hair and perhaps an eyelash which they could analyze for DNA. Officer Bdele seemed satisfied with the result.

They then returned to the station and met up with Officer Plasner. Since it was 14 hundred hours Spock asked if he might have a private room to contact the Enterprise.

 

8 8 8

Uhura knew, without being told, that the Captain would want to speak with Spock when he called, so when she heard his hail promptly at the pre-arranged time, she said “Captain, I have Spock, would you like to speak with him directly.”

Kirk gave her an appreciative smile, “Thank you Lieutenant, I would indeed.” He took a slow breath to release tension and said, doing his best to sound casual, “Spock, do you have a better estimate on when you will be able to beam back”.

Spock replied smoothly “I am currently estimating 15:30.   If I am completed earlier I will contact the ship. If there will be any delay I will notify you promptly. Spock out.”  

Kirk mentally sighed.   He could recognize a brush off when he heard one. It had him concerned. He considered contacting Spock again, but knew he would learn no more at present if Spock did not want to discuss it. So he drummed his fingers momentarily on the arm of his chair and resigned himself to waiting.

8 8 8

Spock closed his communicator quickly. He acknowledged to himself that Jim would not be put off indefinitely about the reason for the delay, but he determined he needed more time to consider what he said or more importantly left unsaid. He quickly located Officer Plasner. The Officer had a map of the Ptak Nature Reserve projected on a screen and asked Spock to locate approximately where he first encountered his abductors.   Spock quickly surveyed the map and identified Blander’s Point. Officer Plasner indicated that they would beam to Blander’s Point then it would be up to Spock to direct them to where he was held to the best of his ability. Officer Plasner indicated that the transportation unit was located in an adjacent building. Officer Bdel joined them as they walked over in silence.  

A few moments later they rematerialized at Blander’s Point. Spock could sense his blood pressure rise and he quickly clasped his hands behind his back to still the tremble he felt stir. He was glad, he was among strangers, who would not pick up his mental distress, that he felt he should be better able to control. None-the-less Officer Bdel said quietly, “we recognize this must be difficult for you, please take whatever time you need to compose yourself.” _I must not be doing even an adequate job of suppressing my outwards signs of discomfort given her statement_ , he thought.  

Spock slowly walked over to where he had first looked into the gorge and gripped his hands tightly onto the wooden fence. The beauty he had once beheld seemed tarnished to his eyes now. As he looked out he acknowledged that the scenery remained unchanged - it was himself that was tarnished. He deliberately slowed his breathing, relaxed his grip, then turned to face the Officers and pointed to the spot where he had sat cross legged meditating when he first encountered Dval and Sunil. He called upon his mental disciplines and walked the Officers through the reserve to where he was attacked, answering their questions to the best of his abilities.   The Officers were excited as prior victims had been too disoriented to find the crime scene.   It was clear that they had camped in the area more than one night.   The Officers indicated they would try and determine how long his attackers had camped in the location and look for other physical evidence. The Officers also found tracks leaving the camp site which they intended to follow using tracking animals.  They might be able to determine where Dval and Sunil had exited the reserve which could prove valuable in the investigation as the Officers might be able to find a retail establishment or apartment his attackers had visited after exiting the reserve by reviewing video in that area. Realizing that the time was now just 15 minutes shy of his latest rendezvous time Spock asked Officer Plasner whether his presence continued to be necessary. Officer Plasner told him he was free to go and confirmed his contact information should they need to reach him. Spock requested that should they contact the ship that they keep the reason for the contact confidential as he currently wish to keep this matter private. Both Officers indicated they would respect his request for privacy and thanked him for his co-operation in the investigation.

Spock then stepped into a clearing and contacted the ship with his co-ordinates. Moments later he re-materialized on the Enterprise transporter pad. “Welcome aboard Mr. Spock,” transporter technician Fisher said. Spock gave him a nod as he left the transporter room. Normally, he would have made his way directly to the bridge given that Alpha shift was not yet completed, to simply see his bond mate, if he was being honest with himself, as clearly his post was being ably covered by Lieutenant Chekov in all likelihood. However, he needed a moment to prepare for any discussions with Jim, so determined he would simply go to their quarters unless he was summoned. Spock had just entered their quarters, when he was contacted by Jim, asking if he was on route.

“Negative, unless you require my presence Captain.”

The fact that Spock had not come to the bridge had Jim’s nerves on edge. Clearly, Spock was avoiding him, but he also knew he would get his chance in about a half an hour and so acquiesced gracefully. “I think we can hold on without you. I’ll see you after my shift ends.”    

“Acknowledged, Captain,” Spock said, ending the communication.  

He quickly unpacked his belongings, including the gift he had purchases for Jim, then stood for a moment. He wished he had time to meditate before Jim arrived, but time was too short.   Normally, he would review reports of the ship’s activity while he was absent, but he acknowledged to himself that he would not be able to focus.   Suddenly, he knew what he needed to do. He stripped and went into the shower.   He put it on his preferred sonic setting and got in. Despite the sonic pulses efficiency at removing dirt, he was sure he could still smell the scent of his attackers and switched to the water setting and picked up Jim’s pine scented body wash and began to scrub. He then grabbed Jim’s scented shampoo and used that as well. Obliterating their scent with something of Jim’s helped calmed his nerves. Getting out of the shower, he toweled dry and put on a meditation robe. He estimated that in 7 minutes Jim would arrive at their quarters. He anticipated that he would question him about the delay and why he was shielding. He was not sure if Jim suspected more as he wasn’t sure what had leaked through when his mental capabilities were impaired.

8 8 8

Jim waited anxiously for Alpha shift to end. Although he had gained additional time to contemplate what he would say to Spock when he was back on the Enterprise and they were in private, he was still uncertain how to proceed. His gut told him that something had happened to Spock, but he was uncertain how he would get him to speak of such matters, knowing that his shielding clearly indicated a desire not to share. He couldn’t accuse him of holding back when he himself was doing the same thing and had been doing so for a much longer period of time. He dreaded acknowledging that he had been unfaithful.

Promptly at 16 hundred hours, Beta shift arrived on the bridge.   He and Uhura were the first to depart on the turbo lift.   As he turned for this quarters, she said with concern, “I hope everything is okay with Mr. Spock. It isn’t like him to be late for a rendezvous. I sensed you were concerned.”  

Jim smiled at her, “Thank you, Lieutenant. I am concerned and I intend to find out what is going on.” With that remark, he turned and entered their quarters. He immediately noted that Spock was pacing their quarters, in his meditation robe, with hands clasped behind his back. Further, he had obviously taken a water shower, which never happened, unless he was joining Jim in the shower. Everything about the scene screamed that Spock was nervous and not himself, despite the fact that he intoned in his smooth baritone, “It is good to see you Jim” and walked forward leaning in to give Jim a quick kiss. Jim reached up a hand to place it at the back of his neck to pull Spock in for a deeper kiss but, immediately got the sense that Spock was uncomfortable with the contact as he felt his muscles contract under his fingers. So Jim let his hand slide instead quickly down Spock’s back and watched asSpock retreated a few paces. While Jim may have let Spock physically get some distance, he maintained steady eye contact as he asked directly, “So are you going to tell me what went on while you were on Argana?”

Jim immediately knew Spock must be hiding something when he broke eye contact to respond, “What is it you specifically wish to know?”

Cute, he thought. Of course, I don’t know specifically what I am asking about and it was clear Spock was not about to come right out and tell him. _Don’t get impatient_ , re reminded himself. “Well, why don’t you start with telling me how the conference went and then what you did after wards.” Jim walked towards the replicator and got himself an orange juice and Spock some water.   He sat at his side table and motioned for Spock to join him.   He did not want Spock to feel this was an interrogation.

Spock took the offered water and sat down holding onto his glass.   While Jim sipped his orange juice, he elaborated on the reaction to his presentation on quasars, interesting new research being conducted by other scientists and the progress he and T’Lema had made on the research paper she was going to present on his behalf.   Kirk listened with interest asking small questions along the way.   When Spock appeared to have ended his discourse without mentioning anything beyond the conference, Jim responded, “Well that seems like all work and no play. I thought you had planned to venture into the Ptak Nature Reserve for some hiking”, and because he knew Spock would not directly lie to him, he added, “Did T’Lema join you?”

Jim noticed that Spock appeared to be holding onto his glass rather tightly and had not yet taken a sip as he waited for his reply.   Further, he sensed that Spock’s mental shields remained locked firmly in place.   Jim did his best to look open to whatever was coming next.  

“Yes, I hiked in the reserve. T’Lema did not join me on the hike.”

Jim tried again. “Did you meet any other hikers on your journey? Do you hike with them?”

Spock paused to sip his water. “I met 6 hikers during my time in the park. I hiked alone.”

“What caused you to be delayed?”

“As I indicated previously, it is a personal matter. I will inform you of the matter if it becomes necessary.”   Spock had determined that if his testimony was necessary to bring Dval and Sunil to justice, then he would need to discuss what had occurred with Jim before it became a matter of public record, but that otherwise Jim did not need to know.

Jim contemplated pressing him further as clearly Spock was being less than forthcoming, but suddenly he thought he might benefit from another conversation with Bones to discuss what Spock had said to him.

“Enough about my trip. Did you enjoy your time on Merik IV?”

“Bones and I had a good dinner. However, my evening in the Shangri-La hotel was not as relaxing as I might have hoped.” Spock raised an eyebrow at that. “I promise to explain later in the evening. I need to check in with Bones about a couple of matters. Do you want to have dinner in our quarters at 19 hundred hours?

Spock agreed, thinking it fortunate that if Jim were out of their quarters he could meditate a bit and then check in with the science labs.   With that settled, Jim proceeded to leave their quarters.

8 8 8

Spock briefly contemplated his meeting with Jim as he lit his firepot and settled in for an hour of meditation before going to the labs and concluded it had gone far too smoothly. He suspected that during or after dinner Jim might press him further. Spock was also curious about Jim’s remark that his time on the planet was not as relaxing as he had hoped.

8 8 8

Jim walked into sickbay and was greeted by Nurse Chapel who indicated that the doctor was in his office.   Bones looked up as Jim entered and commented, “I guess your arrival in my office this quickly means Spock wasn’t talking. Perhaps this conversation should happen somewhere a bit more private. Give me a moment as I was just finishing something and we can go to my quarters.”

The officers gave Nurse Chapel a wave as they crossed sickbay to get to Bones’ quarters.   When they arrived Bones retrieved a couple of glasses and poured each of them a shot of brandy as they sat down. “So….” he prompted.

Jim swirled his drink, took a sip, and took the hint to start talking although he didn’t stay seated for long. Bones leaned back in his chair and relaxed as Jim relayed that Spock seemed uncomfortable and evasive when asked any questions other than about the conference itself. He mentioned that he had directly asked him whether T’Lema had gone with him and he confirmed she had not. So he clearly had not hooked up with her. He had also confirmed that he was not hiking with any other individuals.   Finally, Spock had indicated that he was not prepared to discuss what had delayed him at this time, but would divulge the reason for the delay if it became necessary.

Bones quietly took it all in and then asked, “How did he respond to you physically. I assume you gave him a welcome home hug, peck on the cheek, whatever greeting is typical when you two have been absent for an extended period.”

“He did initiate contact. When I arrived, he welcomed me with a quick peck. But when I put my hand on his neck to pull him in further I sensed he was tense. I definitely felt his muscles contract, so just let him go.”

Bones nodded then asked, “Anything else physical that you noticed that was uncharacteristic, before we move onto analyzing what he did and did not say?”

Jim snapped his figures and said, “How could I have forgotten to mention it. When I arrived in my quarters he had just gotten out of the shower.”

“Not sure I understand the significance of that. I mean after a hiking trip most individuals would take a shower when they got back to their quarters to freshen up.”

“Agreed, but Spock always takes sonic showers, unless he is indulging me” he added with a grin. “His hair was still wet when I arrived. And now that I think about it he must have used my soap and shampoo because the fragrance was in the air.”

With those comments Bones leaned forward intently. “Hmmmm. Jim you are aware that many victims of assault feel shame and guilt. Sometimes this manifests itself in a view that they are dirty and so they may take unusual steps to become clean.”

Jim nodded. “I took a shower after I cheated on Spock. I was just trying to wash away any evidence of my betrayal. I thought he might be able smell her on me. It is unusual, but not conclusive. I mean he could just be hiding something he did willingly to get even. Also perhaps he did not want to kiss me more deeply for the same reason.”

Bones nodded in agreement, “But getting even by going to bed with a random stranger just does not seem loke Spock’s style.   You have indicted he did go on a hike after the conference, but clearly did not go on the hike with T’Lema. You woke up in the middle of the night, when he clearly must have been in the nature reserve. So either he was (1) masturbating (2) hooked up with a complete stranger or (3) attacked.   I don’t have any other options in my head. ”

Kirk held up his first finger as he contemplated the options out loud saying, “Option one seems inconsistent with the facts.   Remember I told you before there was something wrong with the bond, it was foggy, not shielded. Further, I can’t imagine Spock would need a water shower to simply remove such evidence and that my touch would make him tense.” Kirk continued on adding a second finger in the air saying, “Option two does seem unlikely. If Spock had planned to cheat on me, then logically he would have at least planned to bring a partner along to cheat with. Leaving such a plan to chance would be ridiculous and he stated he was not hiking with anyone. That leaves us with option three.   But Spock is better able to defend himself than any of us, Bones. I don’t see how he could be attacked and there are no obvious signs of physical violence against him.”

“I agree that Spock can typically defend himself, but it may not have been a physical attack.   As I said before drugs could be used and may induce the foggy brain syndrome you described. These sorts of drugs are often used in sexual assaults to incapacitate the victim. Also there could be some signs of physical violence you missed. You were only with him a short time and I have not seen him to run a tricorder over him. Jim, the bottom line here is that you are not going to know anything for sure if you can’t get him to speak to you. You need to be patient. I think option three is likely what we are looking at and it wouldn’t surprise me if somehow Spock has contorted this into something he should feel shame and guilt about. If we are correct, he is going to need whatever patience and understanding you can give him. You may think his logic faulty, but he will have justified to himself the action he is following.”

“Okay, I get it. I just am not sure how I go about getting him to talk without it sounding like an accusation of him holding something back,” Jim sighed, rubbing a hand against his temple and down his face.

Bones suggested as he sipped his drink, “Perhaps it is best to start with being completely honest yourself, Jim. You seem to be suffering from shame and guilt over something you did that was under your control. Perhaps he needs to hear from you first. But don’t expect that it will result in him being immediately open with you. He may suspect you of infidelity, but having it confirmed will still be painful or perhaps he does not suspect anything at all. Further, unless it really was option two and he had known, then what has occurred is not remotely equivalent. If it was option two he could conceivably lash out and confirm that he did it to get even and you should be prepared. But I really doubt that is the case. If it is option three, then he may need time to process your confession in addition to what has already happened to him. Please tread carefully.”

Jim finished his drink and placed the empty glass on the table, “Thanks Bones. I think I need some time by myself now before seeing Spock again. Also I got the sense that Spock needed some time alone. I think I’ll speak to my Yeoman to arrange a nice dinner, then I’ll go watch the stars go by on the observation deck.”

“Take care, Jim. This may be a tough conversation. But remember, he loves you and you love him. And that should help see you through.”

8 8 8

Jim arrived about ten minutes ahead of schedule just as dinner was arriving. He had arranged for a few of his and Spock’s favourites. Some crusty bread and plomeek soup to start, a vegetarian lasagna for the main course to be followed by fruit for dessert for Spock and crème brulé for himself. He had also requested Altair water and a red wine that complemented their meal. He wasn’t certain if Spock would join him in a drink of alcohol, but sometimes he would imbibe. The trolley was pushed in and the food left covered waiting Spock’s return.

As expected, Spock arrived precisely at 19 hundred hours. He was back in his science blues and looking a bit more composed than earlier in the day Jim thought to himself. “Why don’t we get started while the soup is hot.” Jim lifted the cover off the trolley and placed a bowl of soup for both he and Spock on the table which was set. Spock assisted by pouring a glass of water for each of them and placing the bread on the table. As he did that Jim asked, “Would you care for some wine with dinner?”

Spock said he would, but asked him to wait before pouring as he turned and retrieved a box from his drawer which he then presented to Jim to open. “I was going to wait until after dinner to give this to you, but now seems like an opportune time.”

Jim walked over and lifted the lid while Spock held the box. He then pulled out one of the wine glasses and held it up to the light. “It is beautiful Spock.” Spock told him what he had learned about the artist from the store keeper and his own research and the period in time when they would have been crafted knowing Jim would appreciate the history. “Thank you for the thought that went into this gift. So will you join me?”

“That was my intent when I retrieved my gift.” Jim poured wine for them both and they seated themselves at the table.

Jim ate dinner feeling as though the Sword of Damocles was hanging over his head as he thought about the conversation he needed to have with Spock. But in the meantime, he made small talk by filling him in on the ship’s activities while he was away. Jim reflected that it was fortunate that Vulcan’s as a rule did not chatter much during dinner, so the quiet pauses were not out of place, as typically their dinners were relatively quiet. But eventually the desserts were done.   Jim topped up their wine glasses and walked over to their bed. He sat down on it and tapped the spot beside him. Jim noticed the slight hesitation before Spock walked over and joined him sitting far enough away that their bodies did not touch. Jim cleared his throat, made a quick sidewise glance and said, “We need to talk about went happened on Argana.”

“I believe I told you about the conference and hiking trip when I returned to the ship,” Spock said, while pointedly looking at the floor.

“You did. And I am sure all that you said is true.   But I sense that you may have omitted some information that I need to know,” Jim said, looking into his wine glass.

“Nothing that you _need_ to know has been omitted. I told you earlier, it is a personal matter and that I would tell you later if there was a need. Can you not trust me on this point?”

Jim paused with that plea as Spock rarely asked anything of him. But why was Spock holding back?   Should he allow Spock to determine what he needed to know without pressing him further?   He realized that he was being unfair, he had withheld information from Spock because he had determined Spock need not know all as well. Part of the reason was that he did not want to hurt Spock, but also he was scared that he could have caused irreparable damage to their bond.   Perhaps Spock was holding back for the same reasons. It was clear, he had no right to judge and needed to be a leader here instead judging Spock’s actions.

Jim turned to look at Spock, “I do trust you. It’s just that I am concerned. Earlier today I told you that my shore leave on Merik IV was not as relaxing as I had hoped.”

Spock looked up concerned, “Did something happen to you? You indicated your night at the Shrangri-La was not restful”

Jim looked back into his wine glass shaking his head, “Not to me. Let me explain. The evening of my shore leave was I believe the night you camped over in the Ptak Nature Reserve.” Jim glanced as Spock who nodded his head in agreement and so Jim continued after taking a sip of his wine, “After the dinner show with Bones I went to my room to sleep. At 2:13 I woke with a start.   I couldn’t figure out why as all seemed quiet both in and out of the room,” Jim said. He looked at Spock as he continued. “Our bond did not feel quite right. I could sense you, but it seemed like you were in a fog. Then various sensations leaked through including what seemed to me euphoria, confusion, despair, resignation, relief. For a while I sensed nothing at all until briefly in the morning you seemed like yourself, then you shielded and have continued to shield since then unless I am mistaken.”   Jim looked intently at Spock, “Any comments?”

Spock remained silent then finally he raised his eyebrow and said, “None. Do you have a theory Jim as to what might have caused this reaction.”

Jim inwardly sighed as clearly Spock was not about to discuss it. But he clearly had not said there is no reason you should have felt that way. In fact, he got the distinct impression while he had spoken that Spock knew exactly what he was sensing. “Well, I have given it a lot of thought. One of those sensations I have clearly felt before across our bond.”   He lifted his hand and turned Spock’s face toward him, so he could look at him when he spoke, then he dropped his hand to the bed again as he said, “Spock when we make love, my side of the bond always hums with excitement, and when you orgasm I feel this mental buzz of euphoria. It is wonderful. I don’t think I recognized it exactly before, but when I felt that mental buzz in my room in the Shangri-La I was certain that you had just come to completion. I felt it twice that night.”

Jim watched Spock intently, as he swallowed and turned away slightly, remaining silent. Jim knew his silence was an answer of a sort. He wanted to reach out and touch him, but he felt Spock’s body language was conveying a message of stay away. When Spock continued to remain silent, he continued to speak, “Spock, I would like you to answer a question for me. It is not about last night. Will you promise me you will answer?” Spock shook his head in the affirmative and Jim swallowed nervously, “Do you feel it across our bond when I orgasm?”

“Affirmative,” Spock replied without looking at Jim. Well, clearly Spock must know with that answer that he had confirmed Jim’s deduction, but he remained silent offering no explanation.

Jim nodded then added, “Okay. I have another one. You don’t have to answer it, but I would appreciate it if you would.   Is it different for you if I come when masturbating versus when I am with you – that is, can you tell the difference?”

“Negative,” Spock replied this time glancing in Jim’s direction. Great Jim thought, realizing he still didn’t know if Spock had orgasmed from his own hand, had sex to get even or had been attacked. However, Jim doubted Spock would go to this much trouble to keep masturbation from him. After all it wasn’t as though he could cast any stones in his direction given his own proclivities. Also, the revenge motive was looking less likely given Spock may not even know he had cheated and he just wasn’t acting like a person gloating over the fact that he had ‘evened the score’. Why would he have bought him an expensive gift if he was trying to get even?

Jim was now virtually certain Spock must have orgasmed against his will, but getting him to talk about it would be a challenge. He reminded himself again that he can’t expect Spock to be open with him when he is not being open himself. Jim took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “Spock, I have something to tell you. You may already know what I am about to say for a fact, have suspected something, but will now know conclusively or may never had suspected anything. God knows, at this moment I hope you have known all along and have been waiting for me to own up to my actions, but I can’t ask you to be open with me when I am keeping secrets. I am hoping you love me enough to forgive me for what I am about to say, as I don’t know what I would do without your love.”

Spock’s chocolate eyes were looking at him steadily now and Jim knew in that instant that Spock did not know what he was about to confess.   _Please forgive me_ , he thought, and then continued talking, licking his lips nervously before he commenced. “Before you left you for Argana, you reminded me of the last time we had been apart for so long. It was when I went to Risa after the Fardor incident. I think that gave us both a scare as I had never been so close to death since we bonded. I wanted to be close to you, but you wanted distance. I went on shore leave, but you declined to come with me. I wanted you to come. I needed to be close to you Spock. Shit, please ignore that. I have no right to make excuses.” Jim swallowed again, and looked directly at Spock, “I went to a bar, got drunk and screwed the first female who looked in my direction. I felt horrible afterwards. I remember standing in the shower trying to get clean and thinking what have I done. I wanted to confess when I returned, but I was scared, scared of what I am seeing right this moment, this look of pain on your face at knowing my betrayal. I wanted to avoid it by keeping this secret to myself and vowing that it would never happen again. I thought I could take on the pain and spare you.”

Spock pushed himself off the bed putting his wine glass on the nightstand.   “I did not _know_ nor did I have _suspicions_ ,” he said, as he stumbled slightly. Jim reached out, but he avoided the touch. “I had felt you come across the bond that night, but you often masturbate when we are apart. The timing was unusual, I remember it being late in the evening rather than early morning, but I did not analyze it particularly. I knew you had wanted some sort of sexual release with me before you left, but I was unable to be physically close to you at that time. It was your distance when you returned that had me concerned. I knew we had not parted well. I knew you had wanted me to come on shore leave and that my staying on board had disappointed you, but I was trying to deal with my reactions to your near death. You erected shields. I was concerned for our relationship. I thought you were hiding your disappointment in me.”

Jim got off the bed to stand in front of Spock. “I was never disappointed in you. My distance when I returned was disappointment in myself. I was ashamed at what I had done. I felt guilty. I wanted to confess, but was scared you would not be able to forgive me. How could you, when I could not forgive myself. I then rationalized that keeping silent was the proper course of action, as it punished the guilty party, me, through recurring nightmares, and protected the innocent, you. I further rationalized that since I would never do it again, all would be well. But then whatever happened on Argana, happened. I can’t insist that you talk to me about what occurred on Argana, when I did not trust you enough to tell you the truth about what I did.”

Spock turned to go to the door saying, “Jim I need some time to process what you have told me.”

Jim nodded saying, “I understand, but please hear me out another moment or two and then I’ll go. You shouldn’t have to leave our quarters after what I’ve confessed. Please sit. Give me a moment. Then I’ll go.” Spock acquiesced and sat again on the edge of the bed clasping his hands together to steady them.

Jim sipped more of his wine, then started to stroll towards the door then turned back and stood in front of the bed. “Spock when I woke up in the night and came to the realization that you had climaxed without me, I wondered what had happened. My thoughts ranged from masturbation, to you cheated on me or you were made to come without your consent. I thought you may have cheated on me to get even because you knew I had cheated on you, but obviously that is not the case. It never crossed my mind that you would cheat without a valid reason.”

Spock looked up and said, “Jim even on Vulcan, two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Jim chuckled, “I discussed my confusion regarding what I sensed last night with Bones and also confessed my infidelity to him. You might be pleased to know that is exactly what Bones said -- that you would never cheat to get even.” Jim turned serious again. “In any case, that leaves just two alternatives for what transpired on Argana. Either you got off when masturbating and thinking of yours truly or you were made to come without your consent. Spock I don’t believe the other feelings I sensed would be caused from masturbation. I mean even if Vulcan’s don’t normally do it, I just don’t think you would be that ashamed of wanting me, that you would feel despair and resignation. Confusion maybe and relief yes, but the other two emotions don’t fit. Also you almost flinched when I went to draw you into a deeper kiss this afternoon. Masturbation would not cause such a reaction, but being made to come without your consent would, and it would appear to align with the other emotions better, not that I quite understand resignation, but I _want_ to understand when you feel ready to tell me what happened.   That is my final message to you. I love you. I want you. Nothing you could say, will change that. I only hope what I confessed tonight hasn’t damaged our relationship beyond repair. Please forgive me, believe in me and trust in me enough to tell me what happened.” Jim then turned and left.

8 8 8

As soon as Jim left the room, Spock allowed his shoulders to slump momentarily and his head to fall forward. He felt he barely deserved to be called a Vulcan. Where was the logic in self-deception? He had ignored the signs of his bond mate’s infidelity. He had felt him come to completion that night, he had sensed over the bond his distress afterwards which was atypical, and he had known Jim had erected shields in his mind immediately when he returned from Risa, but he had ignored all that and fabricated a different story. Rather than pursing the truth he had been satisfied to accept what clearly was a lie. He had not suspected because he had avoided the truth. Why?

He had understood that Jim was looking for physical release after what transpired on Fardor. But he was not prepared for such physical intimacy, nor to share his emotions, if they had melded during sex. He had not yet controlled his anger over Jim putting himself in such danger. He knew that it was illogical to have such anger because Jim had always put the welfare of others ahead of his own and becoming his bond mate was not going to change Jim. He had been ashamed that he could not control better his feelings.

He also realized that perhaps he had not pursued the truth because he did not want to accept that he was partially to blame. He knew deep down that had he been available to his partner that Jim would not have cheated. His guilt, yet another emotion, at not supporting his t’hy’la when he was needed, had made him not pursue the truth. He had failed his mate, and he had not wanted to accept that, so he had simply ignored the evidence.

But what now, now that he did know the truth. Spock knew that he would forgive him. He believed that Jim loved him, as he had felt it in the bond and he loved him in return. What he wanted was Jim’s shields to come down. He had allowed Jim to put them up without challenge and now he wanted in, even if it would be painful to see Jim’s betrayal. He accepted that he had not been there for him, when Jim had asked for his comfort, and this was a consequence of his failure.

He then contemplated his own shields erected to keep his mate from knowing what had happened on Argana. Was this also some form of self-deception? Was he trying to protect his mate or himself? Jim had clearly deduced to some degree what had happened, but he does not know that I did not resist that final time. Spock acknowledged that he was primarily hiding his shame at not resisting longer as he was not sure Jim could forgive that fact. Jim had begged to be allowed to understand. He also deserved no less than the truth.

Decision made, Spock let his mind wonder to locate his mate.

8 8 8

Spock entered the observation deck and engaged the privacy lock. Jim was seated on a bench looking out the viewing window. Jim started to rise but Spock motioned for him to remain seated. He walked over and sat about an arm’s length distance away. Spock looked at Jim directly and said, “I do not wish for these shields that we each have erected to remain.”

“Neither do I,” Jim said, with a wistful smile.

“I wish for us to meld,” Spock began. Jim started to move closer but Spock held up his hand.   “Before we do, I want you to know that I forgive you. I know that I was partially responsible for your turning to another as I was not there when …”

Jim held his hand up to Spock’s lips to quiet him and shook his head saying quietly, “No. No. No.” He looked at Spock, “You are NOT going to blame yourself for my actions. You are NOT the guilty one here. I knew you were having difficulty with what happened. I should have waited for you. I should have helped YOU. I was selfish Spock. Don’t forgive me, by blaming yourself. It pains me even more to realize, you thought the shields I erected were to hide my disappointment in you, rather than my own failings. I am to blame. I should have stopped myself. You have a right to be mad, angry, disappointed in me. You have a right to feel pain at my betrayal? Have you allowed yourself a moment to feel those things?”

“What would it serve to lash out at you in anger or to say you are entirely responsible? I know you regret your actions and would undo them if you could.”

“I don’t know,” Jim shrugged. “It might make me feel better in a perverse sort of way. You need to put the blame fully on me.”

Spock shook his head saying, “Then Jim, let this be your cross to bear. I cannot accept that I am guilt free. We are t’hy’la. I should have known what you needed and been there for you. Keeping my distance was unforgiveable.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. Perhaps this knowledge - that you are going to take partial blame for my sins is a form of just punishment to go with your forgiveness. All I can add is that I’ll do my best to never disappointment you again. Is there anything else you want to say before we meld?”

Spock looked at Jim. “I need to prepare you for what you will see. Your deduction that I came against my will was somewhat correct. At least, it was entirely correct the first time as I could not control my physical response because of the drugs I had been given.” Spock paused to take a breath, noting the intensity with which Jim’s hazel eyes bore into his own. His speech momentarily faltered, and he looked down, as he did not wish to see Jim’s reaction as he continued. “The second time, I allowed it to happen. I did not fight my response any more. In fact, I participated to end it sooner. You asked to understand my resignation. That is it. I essentially acquiesced to my own rape. I stopped resisting. I …”

Spock stopped talking when he felt Jim’s hand on his lips and saw Jim’s eyes glistening with moisture.   “Shhh. Stop talking. Listen to me, you did not ask for any of this. You are the victim. You are not to take the blame. If you wanted it to end sooner, you have that right. You don’t have to justify your actions to me. I don’t know why I asked you to make me understand earlier. Please let us meld,” Jim said as he leaned forward and let his forehead touch against Spock’s.

Spock agreed the time for words had passed and he raised his hand to touch the meld points on Jim’s face and their essences coalesced together. Jim took charge and drew Spock to that dark place that he had kept hidden where he drank too much, bedded Felicia to feel alive for a moment, then only to feel remorse thereafter. Somehow though, it was a bit better now that he had shared the experience, as Spock understood the depths of his regret.

Spock then took Jim to the campsite where he was drugged, restrained and raped. He let him feel it all, his confusion waking up and hearing Dval speaking of taking his pleasure down his throat, his lack of control over the responses his body made when he orgasmed in Dval’s mouth and became hard again as Dval climaxed in him and then his decision to let Sunil have him rather than continue to fight against it and be drugged again. He even showed Jim that he participated by pumping into her rather than merely laying inert and so had participated in that final orgasm. Similar to Jim though, Spock found it was a bit better now that he had shared the experience with Jim, as Jim did not condemn his actions and accepted them as right for him.

Spock then dissolved the meld and Jim leaned in to kiss his mate slowly and deeply. “I love you. I will always love you, Spock. I wish I could undo what happened,” Jim said. “I know Vulcans value their privacy, but have you considered reporting what happened to the authorities. Also Bones should check you out for diseases and…”  

Spock nodded, and cut him-off before he continued, explaining, “I have already done so. The personal matter that detained me was because I have reported the matter to the authorities and I have undergone a medical examination.”

“But why wasn’t I informed, if this is a matter of public record. You are a member of Starfleet who was attacked on a Federation planet.”  

“It was at my request that the matter remain private. In accordance with local customs, the victim has the right to privacy. If they apprehend Dval and Sunil then at that time, I will need to determine if I wish to testify at their trial. If I do so, it would become a matter of public record. That is why I originally told you that I would tell you in time if I needed to do so. I am not sure if my testimony would be needed in a trial as the authorities have other victims.”

“Whether your testimony is required or not seems irrelevant to me Spock.   Would you not want to be a part of the process and to testify?”

“I am not certain it is in Starfleet’s interest to make this a matter of public record. Also you might want this to remain private.”

Jim looked at Spock and said, “If the time comes to make this decision, don’t concern yourself with Starfleet or me. Think about yourself. Neither I nor Starfleet was the victim, so we have no say in your decision. But know this, whatever you decide, I will be at your side. If you decide to testify, I will come with you back to Argana. You won’t have to do it alone.”  

Spock slid his body along the bench so that he was beside his mate. “It would feel good to have you by my side.”

Jim rested his head on his shoulder and slid an arm around his back. “I am glad you feel that way, Spock. Also Spock I know you received medical treatment for your physical injuries, but I am worried about the other effects this may have on your psyche. I know you may not feel comfortable speaking to Bones about what happened, but I am sure he could recommend someone who specializes in sexual assault.”

“At the moment, I feel inclined to try and control my … emotions through meditation.”

Jim snuggled closer and said, “Okay for now. But almost no time has passed since it happened and we don’t know yet how this will impact you. Also you haven’t had any time to process my confession either. I just want you to know I’ll be here to support you in any way I can. You may have a lot of feelings you are trying to suppress – anger and disappointment at me for what I did, anger at your attackers, shame and who knows what else? If meditation isn’t working, you need to promise you’ll speak to me or seek out Bones. Don’t try and deal with this all alone. If you think we should go to counselling together about either matter, I would be glad to go with you.”

Spock agreed with a nod of his head and asked, “Will you stay here by my side until our shift resumes?”

Jim signed contentedly looking out at the stars drifting past, “Always. I will be here always.”

 

[1] A 2002 Vintage publication about Alexandre the Great

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first Kirk/Spock story. In case this looks familiar, I posted this a few weeks ago on the KS Archive but decided to post here as well.


End file.
